You are thy partner’s food… this is my online relationship advice for today on the silent relationship killer. There is something that partners, almost all partners agree on that subtly kills every relationship. This silent relationship killer will make you sober when you truly look at it’s impact. It’s devastating in it’s wake. This is a really grave matter.
Relationships are always a blessing for immunity, energy and creativity boosting. Most people believe that working hard and providing for the family is very important. Much more important to anything else because when there is no food on the table, there is a problem.
But unbeknownst to most, physical feeding has equal importance to relationship feeding. If you have a partner who is not relationship feeding you properly, you lose appetite for physical feeding. That shows that relationship feeding is even more important to physical feeding. Whenever a relationship has been set in motion, we have to feed properly from that relationship for everything else to flow the way it should. Our body needs to feed everyday and that means in a relationship, our feeding needs to occur everyday. As frequently as proper physical feeding does. If you don’t practice this, your relationship is definitely dying.
People always wonder how to accommodate a partner because they view a partner as something separate from what they do everyday. Do you ever wonder how or when to eat or do you just know you eat when you are hungry and you feel hungry everyday don’t you?
Here is my problem and a problem that kills most relationships. One partner says I’m busy and they are genuine about it too. The other partner says I understand.
Every experience you go through leaves a residue of energy of it’s kind. Here is how I can help you to understand this concept. If you make a bonfire and sit around it for fun and warmth, when you walk away from that bonfire, your clothes will smell of smoke. Take those clothes off and put them away without washing them and wait a month and you will still smell the smoke. The smell lingers long after the experience. That is a deposit of energy from an experience. It’s a residue of energy from a bonfire experience. Anyone who will sniff those clothes will know you have been around a bonfire at some point.
This is the same thing that happens with every experience in our life. Every experience leaves a residue of energy of it’s kind in our life. And here lies the problem with the silent relationship killer. I looked at it, experienced it and decided this deserves to be online as relationship advice. I write this with a heavy heart because it really saddens me to realize how many relationships have broken up due to this problem. It is a grave situation that outwardly doesn’t appear so. Please, please, please take heed of what I am writing here.
When you say you are busy, at that moment, in your mind, there is a subtle computation that your being busy takes priority, that it is a time separate from your relationship and you want your partner to get it and the partner gets it and they stay away from you for however long it takes to get that busy-ness out of the way. That experience leaves an energy residue of cut-off-ness that will linger long after this experience. So you have a residue there that has it’s own kind of smell. This slightly alters your original condition of the way you related to each other. This happens so subtly. The busy partner will even thank the other for being understanding. The understanding partner is proud to be understanding. This is BULLSHIT!!! Bullshit!!! You are silently killing your relationship! Slowly depositing separateness. I am dead serious about this one. I normally don’t swear but this particular issue calls for me to put it across so strongly so that it really gets into your head that this is not a trivial matter and should be totally unacceptable in everyone’s mind. Please note that I said it should be totally unacceptable in the mind and not as a blame to the other partner. This is a special note. Non separateness HAS to be created in each partner’s mind especially when they are busy.
IN A RELATIONSHIP, NEVER AGREE TO ALLOW TIME OFF TO GET ON WITH BEING BUSY you will deposit time off energy residue on your relationship that will alter your relationship.
We never get too busy to eat, food never becomes unpalatable because we are too busy, food will not lose it’s taste because we are or have been busy. No matter how busy we are we always look forward to the lunch or tea break. Why then do we think it’s ok to allow each other to be busy skipping relationship feeding? It’s a killer. Here is why…
By agreeing to let the other be busy you are allowing the separation energy to subtly settle between you. It’s bad energy for the relationship. You are meant to be together and agreeing to separate intermittently is relationship suicide! It’s not a done thing! You accumulate separation energy in the process that continues to grow over time.
If you are in a relationship, it is important to consider food for the relationship in a similar fashion to the way we feed our physical bodies. We don’t think about food as a huge obstacle to deal with in our work schedules. We just incorporate it into the scheme of things.
Here is an example of a couple’s communication on this issue…
“I feel lonely baby, I feel lost, I feel separated from you. This is something I have never felt between us. Honey I think it goes against something to concentrate on work at the expense of being together. It does baby. Work should never come first. I was busy the whole of last week and now I feel lost. It just feels lonely like I have been separated from you and I know for certain that it is because I was consumed with work last week. I just know it from instinct that it is from that. I achieved a lot and yet it has destroyed something about us. Just observing this baby.
Work should never come first. NEVER. This is the new lesson I am learning. We were on a date and yet I just feel so terrible inside. A kind of revulsion from how it was last week. Spending a week without being properly with you but there is something there because of how work gets in between. I will keep looking and maybe at the end of this email I will have my finger on it. I miss being how we were. Loving each other all the time. That feels kind of lost. Can we go back to that baby? Just loving each other? When work gets in the way, we lose something. I don’t know what but I sense it and it’s accompanied by weird emotions. I sense it honey and it feels so sad.
I think this is how relationships break because of work. I think when we introduce something new into how we are, that thing leaves it’s own essence in our space. Like when we don’t talk for a long time that length of time leaves an essence of distance such that when we talk again we have to work at covering that distance back to where we were and in that distance other emotions come in, like anger and frustration etc. So with this new introduction of work it leaves an essence of being cut off, really being separated, exactly how it is when we are busy. That essence makes it feel sad baby. Like I have lost you. I’m crying honey. I feel so sad sweetheart. I really don’t like this. Distance or anger or frustration are better feelings to this one. This one is a feeling of being cut off. It’s the worst of them all. I totally get it now baby. Never do work at the expense of being together. It leaves a nasty essence. Working and being together in a relationship should never be viewed as separate. Now I understand why.
A relationship is important and should be accommodated for no matter what. If we don’t do it that way we will get divorced at some point honey. I know this for sure. Not out of anger but just from deposits of that essence. It’s a very negative essence on a relationship, really negative. The problem is that when it’s being deposited it does not feel negative. There is an allowance for it from both parties and so it appears to be the right thing to do. Once deposited it creates a separation and I suppose, unchecked it compounds over the years and before you know it the relationship is over. Closeness has been slowly killed.
The way the essence is left is very subtle that it can go unnoticed till it’s too late to know where it started because it will have compounded to a dense mass within the relationship loving space. Honey I don’t want to feel this anymore, please. It hurts. It hurts so much. It just hurts. I love you baby, feeling this separation is the worst emotion ever. It’s not even separation anxiety, it’s real separation from you. Oh baby, I want you back honey.”
Deciding to deal with this does not mean that partners should demand coming first all the time. Food never demands to come first all the time but we always know that we have to feed everyday. This is the point. When you are busy do not entertain the idea of being separated from your better half or not wanting to be disturbed. The only way I can make this easier to handle is that the attitude you have towards food is the attitude you should have towards your partner. No matter how busy you are in your day you have to have your partner in your original loving and playful way at some point in your day. They are not separate from what you do. They are part of everything else and I mean everything else.
Food and drink is part of everything you do because energy made from the food enables you to carry out your tasks that means you carry the essence of your food everywhere you go. This is the same undertaking with a relationship. Do not see it as separate from what you do. Relationship’s loving energy boosts your immunity, energy and creativity just like food. Carry it with you at all times. It is actually part and parcel of all your creativity. Be aware that to keep that busy schedule going successfully in your life, it is because you carry loving energy every single day. If you get divorced or your partner leaves you, you lose interest in everything you do. This is proof that your relationship is a priority. Incorporate it in everything you do. Find time for it everyday like food and drink no matter what.
It just takes thinking about it right. So simple actually. When you say to yourself, “My relationship is a priority, I take it everywhere with me.” You have created an end result in your life about your relationship and so everything aligns harmoniously according to your desire. To understand more on this concept read about our signature success formula. You won’t even need to fight with your better half about what comes first or how it should be between you and the time you spend together. Creating that end result in your mind aligns your life accordingly. You will find yourself effortlessly being able to switch off from your busy time to being with your loved one in the true sense. Even for just five minutes, the interaction or exchange will be a truly loving one before you get back to work. Just like you switch to taste buds from a busy schedule to enjoying some food over a lunch break.
The big problem here is that we tend to think that when we are busy we need to switch of from our relationship in order to concentrate. That in itself creates a needy-ness because suddenly you have created a scarcity of time for the relationship. Create an abundance in your mind and you will find that you will work throughout the day with the peace of mind and knowing that when you are hungry your partner is available.
Never create the idea that to work hard and focus you need space from the relationship because that is cutting off your relationship and you will deposit a residue of being cut off in the relationship that continues to exist long after you get home from work and months and years after that. Strangely we never think this way about food. Our mind always knows we feed when we get hungry and that creates such an uninhibited, light and pleasant feeling towards food because we have not created a separation from it in our minds. This is the same attitude we all need to have towards our relationship.
Relationships exist within what we think and do all the time and when we need to feed from the relationship it should be as natural as eating food. That special connection that has nothing to do with discussing problems or working on something. This is about purely being connected and being loving. This is what you must see at all times in your mind. Being busy or having problems come under the blanket of loving-ness within a relationship. That is the only way you can work or solve problems under the direction of loving particles that will align outcomes to positive or successful endings because you will be working with a positive residue all the time. That you are perpetually connected to your relationship. No entertaining the idea that you are busy now and so relationship aside. A relationship is a relationship and you are connected to it all the time. You are able to work hard because you get the strength from loving and being loved. When you separate the relationship you are cutting off the reservoir and so you will fail in what you do.
Feeding in a relationship can be just kissing or embracing or just telling each other I love you, texting loving messages or just calling each other to hear each other’s voices, the silly things part of the relationship, coming from a base of being continually connected in the mind and energy wise. This connecting is what enables the mind to have the ability to be creative in working hard or solving problems. Time together doesn’t have to be long but just a proper connection. When you eat food, you enjoy the taste because you give yourself time to eat or drink it. Even a little sip is still a delicious experience because your consideration that food is good has never changed. This is because you are always ready to eat the food. There is no big debate about it in your mind. You know you love food and you are going to eat it everyday. This is the same thing with a relationship. Food is good and when it is not cooked it probably is not that good but it doesn’t deter you from focusing on the end result of the good taste. No matter how many problems come up in your relationship, focus on it’s good taste. Problems are never permanent make the pleasure from your relationship the permanent feature in your relationship. it works. that is the constant deposit of good energy in your life. Make love first before you talk about your problems. Concentrate on the tassty end result always like food. When we think of food WE NEVER EVER THINK OF IT AS UNPALATABLE< NEVER even though it can be at times BUT we never see that picture EVER! isn’t this interesting. Bad moments with food will always be over powered by the good taste we always have in our mind about food. It is because we have managed to create a positive lingering residue about food. Taste your relationship well and at some point you will have the same vibe that you have about food and tell you what, your life will be fun and successful, delectable as my better half likes to call it. Focus on the goodness and then create and taste the sweetness, a lot, together, this then lingers within you in everything you do.
Here is what one celebrity said about his relationship…
James met Jane before he was famous and they have been married for over twenty years.
James says the secret to their successful marriage of more than 20 years (Which is a lot in terms of celebrity marriages), is making sure that work doesn’t separate them and that when he is away for a long time he spends the same amount of time with his wife when he is done, a great recipe for success in a relationship.
Take your relationship everywhere in your mind.
You know you will be together forever anyway so why create a separation when you are busy or discussing challenging situations? There is NEVER a disagreement, there is only seeing things from different points of view and so every encounter is only about comparing of notes of different views. Creating a separation because of it, is killing a relationship for nothing.
There is no disconnection between you and your partner at any given time in your life. Every meeting is just an enhancement of that connection. The residue you want to deposit and grow is that of continued love. This is how it should be in your mind. So there is never any separation. Don’t put it in your mind and everything will be as it should be.