Jealousy is, in most cases, just a misunderstanding of how men and woman function.
I have been caught out many times, saying things to men that I shouldn’t unless I wanted to be understood a certain way. I have accused my better half many times of saying things to women that he shouldn’t unless he intentionally wanted to be understood a certain way, and when I pointed it out he called me jealousy and insecure. I was furious and he was furious. He said he didn’t think about what he said, that he just said those things without thinking. And I was thinking that he was lying to me, how could he say those things without thinking!!! Oh my goodness it was a never ending war.
It was only when I was guilty of the same crime. When I said certain things to men and he explained to me how it translates in a man’s world that I realized what I had done. The things I had said, that mean totally different things to a man.
This is what I learned, when a woman is speaking to a man she ought to think about what she is saying. How she speaks to men should be totally different to how she speaks to women.
Here are examples ;
A woman says oh you are my hero to a man. She is just saying I am grateful for your help but this totally means something different to him.
If a man says to a woman
‘Oh you are a breathe of fresh air.’ That statement means something totally different to a woman and triggers different emotions in her to what the man really means.
If he says oh if you need anything just shout. To her he wants to be the man in her life kind of.
Just little statements mean quite different things to a woman or vise versa.
So when a woman or man is out and about with a partner and interacting with other people, they can literally unintentionally upset each other so much before the end of that outing. A woman is forced to literally watch her man throw supposedly ‘come ons’ to other women and he is forced to literally watch her throw supposedly ‘come ons’ to other men. Now, depending on the jealousy make up of the other, you will have tempers flaring at the end of outings. And then after that there is mistrust of each other because they believe that as soon as one gets an opportunity to speak to the opposite gender they are at it, flirting!
This is such a huge misunderstanding between men and women. Half of the time the misunderstanding is not voiced. People quietly get jealous.
It was only after I was on the offending side that I totally understood what I had been accusing my other half of. I also began to understand what his response to my accusations meant and that he was really innocent in his defense. Far out, this is so complex for any couple unless they openly discuss issues to unravel where the other is coming from. It is absolutely necessary to always discuss issues truly and openly as they are, in order to get each other’s perspective. Believe me, there is always a misunderstanding or difference between what a man sees and understands to what a woman sees and understands in any given situation or conversation. Even with very simple events or interactions. Many a time explosive situations are created unknowingly.
A man or woman is saying something that to the other seems to be saying “I am available” This is why outsiders will consider a supposedly come on from a person who is out and about with their beloved. Because relationships are so complex a come on from a person who seems to have their partner with them signals that it is obvious that they are available otherwise they would not put out those come on signals. But actually there is no come on at all. The person is just talking and their talk is being understood from a different perspective. And if accused of the fact they become defensive and confused!
The not so strong relationships break down in this process whilst others become unfaithful from a supposedly miraculous springing up of an unexpected positive response. Only it’s not miraculous, it’s just from a total misunderstanding of wrongly read signals and weakness gets the better of those involved and they follow a trail accidentally created.
A man says something to a woman and she misinterprets it as a come on. he enjoys her response and thinks she likes him not knowing she is behaving that way from his initial supposedly come on and before long none of these two know who sent the first come on and there could arise accusations and each thinks they are the wronged party and are therefore right in their accusations. My good ness this is so complex. A couple can never work it out without a full and open dialogue.
Full and open communication between couples is extremely important otherwise that relationship has no chance of survival, even the closest of partners will break without true and open communication. There is always two different worlds and two different perspectives even with things that appear to be an agreement at face value. It is always very important to check on how the other got the message and compare notes.
As for dealing with other people it is always important to keep conversation as simple as possible with less flowery language. It is flowery language that creates most misunderstandings. Gosh this is such a huge topic. I stumbled on it by error. I was the accuser first and caused so much heartache until the shoe was on my foot. Looking back I saw how it really is.
A man and woman in-love, by being totally open and honest with each other will open each other’s eyes in terms of what is meant by putting it straight to other men or women out there. I also realize that many a time a man or woman have no idea how they managed to attract the other. Things just happen.
From the misunderstanding of what men should say to a woman and vise versa I realized that both are clueless and this is how they continue to say the wrong things to the opposite gender creating jealousy in the other and turning around and accusing them of being jealousy or insecure. That means when they got their partner in the first place they actually never understood the language at play. Things just happen through trial and error, otherwise men and women would know what to say and what not to say to the opposite gender.
Partners need to educate each other about what to say and what not to say. It’s just about comparing notes until the other understands what certain things mean to the opposite gender. This WILL CLEAR ALL unfounded jealousy in a relationship. When you finally realize how innocent some comments from your other half to someone are, you will start to discuss things from a non accusatory point of view. Each partner will understand fully how the opposite gender processes thoughts and will stop making those blatant mistakes when out and about.
But there is a huge benefit to all this. In this process the couple learns what is truly complimentary to the other and genuine compliments will be confined to the real loving space and enhances the relationship.