Here is one of a relationship breaker – lack of empathy. In my healthy relationship tips, empathy is a big one. Couples do not empathize as much as they should and this is a thing that has been created by society. If you really want to have a strong and healthy relationship, empathy is crucial and yet every relationship is formulated to forget about empathy.
Men and women, both ways, do not have the ability to understand and share feelings of another.
This all boils down to roles. When a couple get together, the man is expected to be strong. He is supposed to handle whatever tantrum his woman throws at him. So women get angry, lash out and get capricious. IT IS THEIR PREROGATIVE AS THE WEAKER SEX, or is it?
I was throwing this tantrum and bent on having my own way as usual. My better half was having his problems trying to handle a huge issue. There I was, just carrying on with my capriciousness. Only when he excused himself from his job to handle his issue did I suddenly realize he was not okay. He had hinted over a period of two weeks that something was not right and he was doing it like every man usually does, putting it light. Of course he thought I would not help because it was too big an issue to handle. So I continued to be capricious and he was trying to handle that too. It became too much and he snapped at me. Oh my goodness, the accusations I then leveled at him! I told him that he didn’t care, he was rude, he didn’t understand, you name it. He started apologizing and the rest of the stuff. Then he told me he had excused himself from work to handle the other issue. At that point he was in a state. He couldn’t work. He was withdrawing in order to focus. It was just too much for him. This is when I realized something.
I stopped in my tracks. There is a way that he explained what he was going through without giving me all the details but it got home the message that he was dealing with a big issue and he felt all alone. Men DO feel lonely. Women don’t know that. Men were raised to be strong and that is what they try to be all their life. They don’t let women in and women always assume they are okay. This rubs off all the empathy a woman might have for her man. He becomes this invincible something that can handle everything. There is almost no consideration of his emotions in that picture. It is as though he has no deep emotions. This removes her capacity to understand or feel what he is experiencing from within his frame of reference, i.e., the capacity to place herself in his position and truly feel for him.
So in the end the man does not feel truly loved and throughout their relationship life, he is actually lonely… Oh-my-goodness! The realization of this shocked me. Really, really shocked me. I started to empathize with my man. I explained to him how women are made into irresponsible unloving partners from society’s expectations.
If only men tell women what they are going through. Not because they want women to give them solutions but so that women understand, empathize and can give them space to work out things. Most women think a man’s greatest need is sex. This is not true. A man’s greatest need is empathy. Men are lonely, very lonely creatures. They have no one to talk to about their deep emotions. It is just not manly! BUT what are these society manly expectations cruel notions! A man is a human being with feelings too. How about just looking at it from this point of view? A man is reduced to being a strong unfeeling robot for a woman to throw tantrums at, expect him to love and protect her and the children while she gives him sex which is also rationed or given begrudgingly! Men take on a lot for very little in return so they become hard and harsh.
If you want your relationship to flourish, this is a point to consider right at the onset of a relationship, otherwise this attitude of non empathy will certainly destroy the relationship. I also think it is one of the strong reasons why men cheat. They go to a mistress who almost always has the patience to listen. Although this is not a solution to the problem because soon the mistress throws tantrums and the man runs away! Lol!
The point of empathy is really a serious and crucial one, that men and women need to work on building, right from the beginning of a relationship. To be able to talk to each other about what is going on without fear of judgement. This is a special healthy relationship tips tip. Take heed, you will save your relationship – big time.