Barriers For Effective Communication – an introduction

Barriers For Effective Communication – an introduction

I am so excited to be writing a series of five articles that will help couples to effectively manage the barriers for effective communication. Relationships build resentment over the years due to communication going wrong. An ability to manage communication cycles mean a definite happy and healthy relationship.

Here is the list of the five articles that will cover this series all under the barriers for effective communication issues.

  • An Introduction
  • Getting the exact meaning of a communication, a lack of which creates so many problems for the couple.
  • Incomplete communication and Upsets
  • Nature’s creative energy and how it aids or affects our communication.
  • How to deliver effective communication

We all dream of permanently loving and ever fresh relationships, full of joy. When we waltz into a relationship, most of us have no idea of the complexities or advantages of communication. We don’t even know we have to move through tough communication hurdles to get to where relationship nuggets are. We arrive at the door of being in a relationship, crash through it, start kissing and cuddling and everything else and assume everything else will be hunky-dory until we resent each other so much and there is very little of the fondness, kissing, cuddling and talking to each other that was at the beginning of the relationship.

There are lots of barriers for effective communication, some quite simple and others much more complex. You can ask someone a simple question and instead of answering the question they will go into a lot of things that have nothing to do with what has been asked. This is quite hard in relationships. It is true that fully communicating in a relationship is the key. It is easy to see this as the solution to a couple’s problems and it is also really easy for most to give this as the solution but honestly, communication between two people, especially in a relationship, is tough. It is the toughest thing a couple has to conquer before they can have a healthy relationship.

What do you do when you broach a subject and you get a rebuff or one word answers or the conversation goes on a little bit but creates misunderstandings and one partner gets short with the other? What do you do when communicating becomes difficult? I will tell you what most people do… they let sleeping dogs  lie. Wrong decision. Those dogs are not sleeping, they will soon reproduce and have a litter of puppies that bark at you so much you will regret ever having let them lie!

Most people get excited at the idea that communication is what should happen in a relationship and their picture to that communication is totally different from what it is in practice.  They see and think of communication as something light, agreeable and pleasant, that only includes things they can take on board. Partly this is true. Just partly. Real communication is about fully communicating.


Is it possible to fully communicate? Can people take what comes with full communication?  Fear of rejection or loss of love is probably the biggest of all the barriers for effective communication in a relationship and yet the opposite is true. Full communication that includes unpleasant things eventually lifts or dissipates unwanted energy and clears the way for love and respect and a bond that gives birth to unconditional love. If a couple can remove that fear of rejection by reassuring each other that they will communicate about things in a space of total acceptance without judgement and allow each other to express fully what they go through and then giving them space to bounce back to the positive self there will be a totally different outcome, even if the listener says nothing except listen. You will soon understand more why this is.  A lot of patience is required here.

Communication between couples is the most difficult because it is about taking two individual worlds and getting each to properly understand the other’s meaning and then making the decision of the end result as one to bring an idea into vibration and then acting on it to make it work. This is where all problems in a relationship lie. Solving this and being willing to take the cumbersome cycle of this form of communicating will produce a blissful relationship. It won’t always be hard. It is hard at the beginning but as the couple understand each other more they find that upsets get less and when they come up they get handled quickly.


How does a partner choose to accept communication of love and not communication about an upset. When something is upsetting to another they are bound to express it in an upset way just like when they are loving they express the emotion in a loving way? Is this not to be expected?  Why is it so difficult for people to accept communication of all emotions except love? It is the inability to face or just quietly observe the unpleasant parts of communication that causes a rift and the complete breakdown of a relationship. Anything not fully communicated or suppressed is a birth of a problem, there will be so many unsaid things, causing loads of assumptions, judgments and resentments over the years. It is also the thing that makes relationships stale.

Anybody who is allowed to express how they feel always bounces back to their positive self. Full expression is a healing process, a therapeutic one too. Even the bible says something about it; James 5:16 says “Confess your sins one to another and pray for one another so that you may be healed.” I know that these days sin and confession are words translated differently from what they meant then but really it just means in communication is a process of healing. ” The word “confess” is the Greek word ekzomologeo, a word that means to declare, to say out loud, to exclaim, to divulge, or to blurt. ” This following article continues to explain this special concept. A full understanding of it will amaze you. Click here for the amazing article.







12 thoughts on “Barriers For Effective Communication – an introduction

  1. The lack of communications kill relationship. When my marriage fell apart a few years ago, the very root of all the mess can be traced to the loss of communication. At some point in relationship, people just closed up, building walls of ego and pride. Now that I’m in another relationship, I’m keen to avoid this fatal mistake at all cost.

    • Lack of communication is responsible for the breakdown of so many relationships. Getting good at this alone will in so many ways save and strengthen any relationship and this is just about expressing oneself in an environment of acceptance. This sounds so simple but gosh, ain’t it so hard? Hence the creation of this space, to make things easier for couples.

      It will be brilliant to bring your partner along here and walk the path with a clear vision of how you will choose to handle communication.

      Thank you Kenny Lee and here is wishing you an exquisite relationship.


  2. Great stuff, this was much needed. I think communication is an important aspect in building on and maintaining a relationship. I can’t begin to tell you how many failed relationships I’ve had just because we failed to communicate and see each others point of view. I have improved a lot over the years with my communicating, but I still have some work to do. Great Article, definitely sharing this on Facebook.

    • Hi Garrett

      Thank you for your visit. Communication especially looking at the barriers for effective communication is one area that is responsible for relationship failure. It takes strong commitment to reach to a point where communication is comfortable and easy. It is something we are never taught how to practice and so there is a lot of trial and error in that issue leading to a lot of failed relationships.

      We constantly help on this subject with our exquisite relationship membership. Sharing on Facebook with friends that one cares about is just the thing to do to help them save their relationships. We need a world of happy adults. Thank you Garrett.

      Good luck and have a brilliant relationship.



  3. hi there!

    i think this is a very important post that affects a lot of people in relationships. i can definitely cosign as well as i remember the early stages of the relationship going great and then the resentment begins not too long after!

    your writing also reminds me of a book called radical honesty as well which talks about being completely honest about the truth in relationships even if you’re worried about what the other person might think.


    • The resentment begins not too long after the relationship begins. Couples, right at the beginning of their relationship avoid fully communicating because for some reason people believe that sticking to pleasant parts of communication is the best way then they avoid expressing their real needs. This breeds resentment pretty fast and most relationship are over before they even start. This is so sad.

      I have not heard of that book you referred to. I will search for it because it sounds interesting and truthful about a subject so important to the survival of relationships. Full communication is the way to go to make a relationship work.

      Thank you Jerry. 



  4. I think you are absolutely correct about the communication between couples. I think it is very difficult for many people to completely open themselves up to another. This seems especially true of men. I wonder what you think should happen if one partner wants to communicate openly, but the other claims not to know how to do it. What should they do? Thanks for all your gereat insights.

    • Hi Janet

      Thank you for your visit. You have asked questions that bother a lot of couples. There is always one partner who is more for open communication than the other and it is quite frustrating for the one who wants to communicate. It is much harder to broach the subject of communication with partners that have been together for a long time because they are almost set in their communication patterns. I would suggest for the couple to join a community such as this one here where each partner will come to their self determined decision that communicating is important.

      Having said that, my sense arrives at the door of blocked energy. Something may have happened in the past or it could just be lack of confidence or just the good old fashioned shyness. Either way it falls at the door of the one wanting to create open conversation. It is a matter of working out that blockage.

      I remember I used to get overwhelmed and just shut down and say, “I need to sleep”, “I need to process this” To get to true communication it is a matter of seeking out a path that will not intimidate the silent partner. It is amazing how much some little words can achieve, ‘I love you and just want us to work through this together. At least let’s explore what we can do. It is about us finding ourselves in this relationship. Let’s take our time, there is no pressure, we have the time to explore etc.” It is the language and energy that is expressed that will pull you through. The one that is fully aware of the importance of communication has to insist but steer it in a very gentle kind of way.

      Every problem has a solution that is easiest found together. The language starts with identifying the problem. Men easily get confused when women are talking and in men mode they either try to fix it or shut down and ignore it. The key is identifying that pain or pressure point and gently broaching the subject.

      Thank you for asking Janet. I hope this response gives some guideline. Our exquisite membership explores these issues in depth and helps couples to see the importance of dialogue. From experience I know it is hard for one partner to convince the other to start fully communicating when they have been together for a long time because boundaries have been set. What I have also observed is that being part of a closed membership community like we have here helps to make couples see the importance of full communication, especially for the uncommunicative partner. They come to a personal decision to be willing to communicate without the push from a partner and the change is then a light and very positive one. The dialogue has to start somewhere and going to a third party like a community helps a lot. I suppose the real problem is to get the unwilling partner to join a private membership for a chance to explore the idea of full communication.

      Good luck


  5. I truly agree that patience, a lot of it is needed when communicating with our other half. More so when they are known to talk too much, going off the topic or the other way round, one-word answer.
    If going into an important discussion, always find a place without distraction. It is also good to give them a heads-up beforehand so that they know what to expect.

    • Hi Sharon

      Thank you for your response.

      I have come to know that giving a man a heads-up  that there is going to be an important discussion gets their back up. My personal take on it and from experience, is that there has to be an agreement to fully communicate before any disagreements or those very important decisions come up. It is difficult to just arrive at this point for couples without discussing and on the way they will tackle communication. We are never taught to keep this in mind at the onset of a relationship and many a time it’s too late for couples to broach the subject of full communication. The way has to be set up way before any arguments occur and even better if it is done during the honeymoon period or even earlier, right at the onset of a relationship; In a time when everything is honky dory and each member of the couple is still positive and can make rational decisions. Joining private membership spaces such as the one found on this website helps because it then communicates to the couple without either thinking it’s a personal attack over something they have done and so resolves the problem and opens dialogue for the couple.

      Thank you for your visit Sharon and a thought provoking comment.



  6. Hi, Pen Cherry,

    For a fact being in a relationship with another person is a constantly evolving situation that could be one thing in the present but quite different a year/two years/ or five years later.

    I believe the most important ideal between two people in a committed relationship rather married or not is that each has complete respect for the other. If one person in the relationship cannot respect the other, then the whole thing is doomed not to last.

    I agree with you that communication is the key to a healthy relationship, but in addition to that each has to allow the other to speak and perform the most important thing of all while the person is talking – listen with full attention but not interrupting.

    Patience between the couple is also of supreme importance as well as not being selfish. Too often in a doomed relationship one person, (or perhaps both) begins to act selfishly. The individual constantly wants what is in his/her best self-interests and to heck with the partner. Patience comes with accepting that the partner in the relationship is not a perfect human being. Only one person who has walked on this Earth two thousand plus years ago was perfect.

    So accepting the imperfections of the partner is also key to the success of any relationship, and along with that realizing that the person him/herself is not perfect either.

    Your article was full of wisdom, Pen Cherry!


    • Hi Jeff

      You have a very interesting comment here and you raised very valid points. We all need patience, acceptance and an atmosphere that is truly accommodating to whatever we need to express.

      Respect, like you said, is key. we all have different experiences and we compute those experiences in unique ways as individuals. It is the recognition of that uniqueness and taking it into account when we communicate with another that is what full respect for another is. Failure to take this into consideration is missing the whole point to building a healthy relationship.

      Thank you Jeff. We all have a need to be heard and so when our partner listens without interrupting us we feel good about being able to express our-self. So being a good listener is also an invaluable trait in communication. I totally agree with what you expressed. Keep enjoying your life’s journey.


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