Here is what most women never keep in mind, That men have fragile hearts too and so women hurt men too.
Men are always taught to be strong from a very young age. They have to learn to bear everything with a strong attitude. They have to be strong for everyone. But you know what, in this, men become lonely. They have things that worry them and hurt the like women do but they have no one to tell that to. If they do they run the risk of being called wimps! This is no small matter to me. Isn’t this part of the reason why women are frustrated that men don’t talk?
I am going to explain something that I think may shed some light to a solution.
Women throw tantrums most of the time. Every woman hopes that when she is being “unreasonable” her man will take it. This is because she believes that what she does, does not hurt the man that much simply because men are perceived as strong., well stronger than strong
This is what she wants too. She wants him to be stronger than strong!
So when she throws a tantrum and he takes it without complaint, and this happens time and tin=me and again, the more the man takes the more he earns her respect. It doesn’t matter how many times she is being stroppy, the end result is that she has a lot of respect for the man who can hack it.
Yes, this sounds silly but I tell you, this is a genetic code in place. The woman doesn’t know it and neither does the man. This is just a natural form of creation.
How many times do you think his patience will be tried and tested by the children as he brings them up. A mom can be patient with her children because she carries them in her tummy. Her patience is tried and tested from this.
For the father, it’s not an internal training like the mother and so his training starts with his partner.
Men that whine and whinge about what she does lose her respect even if it’s clear that she is being unreasonable.
I suppose deep down she gets to realize he will not be a good and patient father.
What is the solution then?
The first is that women should realize that men have tender hearts too. That they hurt as much as they do.
But I also want to share a natural solution in place.
When a woman whinges and whines and throws tantrums, it is wise for the man to just look on and observe. Ignore all the fluffy details and pick on any important facts in the complaint and act on it. The rest he should put in his mind’s trash can.
If out of all she whines about he finds nothing really important, he should put it in his mind’s trash can and instead just give her a cuddle. Maybe all she is asking for is attention.
What happens now is that she begins to develop this very tender heart towards him ans slowly she will cater to all his whims. It’s a process.
Most men nowadays ask, what about me! It is a process. Ant man who knows how to handle the woman’s perceived unreasonableness eventually gets anything he wants from his other half.
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Read this article and you will be wiser on what women want in a man, it is quite simple and it is not about size, it has never been about size. Men have this notion and are anxious about their size because they think that is what women want in a man, but, men, it has never been about size.
If you are new in a relationship, all the better for the advice before the relationship goes wrong. If your relationship is old then here is some online relationship advice to keep it strong.
I don’t think it matters at what point we get advice in our relationships. We are always challenged when it comes to closely relating and living with another person. So tips and nuggets go a long way.
What does a woman want badly in a man?
What is the single thing that will make her apologize or do anything just to keep that man? I can assure you it’s not about his size. Surprised?
This is a BIG one. She wants a man who delivers. A man who says I will do this and he makes it happen.
This is the single thing that will make a woman adore a man.
She wants a conqueror even with as little a thing as keeping a promise for a phone call. When he breaks his promise she will go off him no matter what his size is or the size of his bank account. Many men fail on this one because they don’t realize what it means to a woman. Men are anxious about their size but that anxiety is really for nothing. It’s really NOT what really matters to a woman. Read this full article and you will walk away enlightened.
He can create his own size
A man can create his own manhood size in the woman’s eyes, totally different from what he has been led to believe. Creation is never unfair, if his physical size were the most important thing, then there would have been justice in size for all men. Someone, some human somewhere came up with the idea that it must be about his size but this is not the case and it is time to dispel that myth.
Here is what I know ; For the presence of one thing in a man, a woman will never worry about his size.
This is something women never say, just like men don’t ask for it upfront. Women instinctively know it but somehow never talk about it. It only comes up when they are upset, but they actually don’t realize the full meaning of it. On broaching the subject, they suddenly have a cognition that, that is the most important thing that they desire in a man.
A woman instinctively expects two things from a man
to feel secure ( This we all know)
that he makes things happen. (This is the hidden mystery and the key. Read on and you will understand why)
A man is created with more physical strength than a woman. She knows and admires this because she feels his protective power. However, the complex part is that she feels that, that strength extends to his ability to make things happen. She perceives his strength as reaching beyond the physical.
A man does not have physical power alone, he comes with a strong urge to solve problems. He is practical.
The natural human set up of men and women comes with its own challenges for couples who do not understand it or those who try to change it. Believe me, maybe 95% of couples try to change the natural setup. Sometimes out of ignorance and at times out of sheer selfishness from one partner.
There are primal urges set up in the body. It’s not something a man or woman is aware of on a conscious level. It’s just an urge. The man has a primal urge to copulate. And yet how many times are men chastised by women for this. “All he wants is da da da da!!!”, she says. This is an attempt to change what naturally is. The man has that primal urge and there is nothing he can do about it. He just feels it whether he chooses to or not.
What about the woman?
The woman too, has a basic urge towards a man. Unfortunately no one has ever looked at the woman’s primal urge towards a man. It’s not even focused on as much as men’s urge for copulation and it is here that the imbalance is created. Not imbalance as an unfair practice but imbalance as going against nature. This is why he will never really have what he desires nor she, the kind of man she wants in her life.
Her primal urge is for him to conquer, this sounds like a tall order I know, but wait till you hear the rest. It’s not that bad. The woman wants the man to conquer even in the smallest thing as making a phone call.
To him making a call is nothing but to her it’s everything, as you shall soon see.
When he does not conquer one of two things may happen. Either she pushes him, which will probably come across as demanding or too much expectation to the man or she keeps quiet and just as quietly goes off him.
When she is pushing, although it’s viewed negatively, especially by men, actually, it’s a natural code in her to fight for the survival of the relationship. This is why women are notorious nags to men.
Her urge to push for things to happen is similar to the man’s urge to copulate.
Because of these primal urges in both men and women, they create a sense of entitlement both ways. It may not be voiced but this sense of entitlement is nevertheless present.
The natural design that is meant to keep couples together
The man feels entitled to copulate with the woman in his life and the woman feels entitled to have the man in her life make things happen. When this need is met for each, it is actually a design that is meant to naturally create a strong bond for the couple, the glue that makes each want to come back again and again to reach for the other.
No one really sees it this way. Instead he says she is a nag and she says all he wants is to take her to bed. They don’t realize they are complaining about the glue that potentially keeps them together.
In the animal kingdom, a female will only mate with the alpha male. This is the same in the human kingdom, although the qualification of an alpha human male is slightly different. A man becomes an alpha male in his woman’s life on his own merit. This is the fairness of the whole cycle. He is not competing against anyone but himself. It doesn’t have anything to do with his size or that of his bank balance!
If a man, lets a woman down, be it a promise to meet her or to call her, or to repair something around the house or to organize for the repairs to be done by somebody else, when he fails to make these little things happen, she perceives him as a man with a lack of an ability to make things happen and thus she loses the alpha male vision of him and she soon looses the urge to copulate with him. This happens on a very subtle level. The man registers in her subconscious as less alpha, unreliable and therefore cannot mate with her, she naturally goes off him.
The other side of the coin
Here is the other side of this coin… another marked difference between men and women. When a woman says no to his advances, a man feels rejected. When she says no many times he will wither and slowly die inside. To a man it’s rejection and it creates a disconnection between them. Because a woman doesn’t view copulation the same way, she is not naturally set up the same way, when she is saying no to him, she has no idea that it’s rejection to him. She just thinks the man will understand that she doesn’t want to and can wait and to her, life goes on. She is totally oblivious to the fact that this is rejection.
Too much tiredness and headache excuses and the man soon curls into a ball and sleeps facing the other way. He feels completely rejected and cold inside. Meanwhile the woman saying no to her husband’s advances will be shocked if he cheats on her! Lol! She doesn’t get it. funny isn’t it! STUPID the man may think. Yet no! It’s not in her make up and so she doesn’t understand it the same way!
When a man does not keep his promises, besides the fact that he comes across as a man who can’t make things happen, the woman feels rejected. It is also a point of disconnection. It carries the same weight as how a man feels when his advances are rejected by the woman in his life.
When he says he will call and he doesn’t, she feels rejected. The more he says he will do something and doesn’t, she is withering, slowly dying inside. Each let down is a nail on the coffin of her ever saying yes to his advances and the rejection is compounded each time. It’s a cumulative effect.
At some point her attraction towards him dies completely, no matter what his size or bank balance is. A man does not connect these dots too. To him a missed phone call is just a little or single missed phone call. He just hopes the woman will understand and get over it and get on with life.
He lets a woman down today, begrudgingly says “I’M SORRY!”, begrudgingly because he doesn’t get it and doesn’t understand why she is so upset about seemingly little things and then he expects her to accept his advances and he wonders why she comes up with tiredness and headache excuses.
She just can’t. She is feeling rejected but he doesn’t know.
When someone is feeling rejected… their feelings towards the other die, be this a man or a woman. The love may still be there but that other attraction vanishes. Rejection is hard for anyone. It’s just that I think men are not aware in what way they are rejecting their woman and women are not aware when they are rejecting their man.
So when a man runs around trying to fulfill his promises to his wife, often it’s out of fear that she will get angry and so it is a burden to him to keep time for phone calls or promises made. This is the same for the woman, many have to bite their lips to perform the conjugal rite because they can’t keep saying no. And so fulfilling that duty becomes a heavy chore.
The twigs she throws at him
This reminds me of the story of the female eagle flying with her suitor and throwing twigs for him to catch as a test. A human male goes through the same test to catch the twigs. Those let downs, no matter how small, to the women, are the makings of failing to catch the twigs. He registers as unreliable and so she cannot build a nest with him. This directly connects to her attraction towards him, it is so linked that her attraction towards him vanishes, it sort of feels automatically, totally erased. She has no control over it, it just happens. She just goes off him. This is where the “don’t touch me!” comes from.
When a woman loves a man, she continually holds an anxiety about him and a fear that he might not catch the twigs, not because it’s a test but because she has this deep desire for him to win, to conquer.
Deep down she knows that he will sometimes fail and she is afraid that when he fails she will go off him. She teaches herself to forgive him many times and keeps trying to rebuild the emotions within herself.
This is a heavy cycle that she wishes never to begin and for that reason she nags and pushes so that it doesn’t happen. This is why she is filled with anxiety at an indication that he might fail. So she pushes.
To a man she is a nag and he feels pushed but it is a natural mechanism to keep her attraction to him intact, he doesn’t realize this and so he fights her natural condition and continues to ignore her pleas and she in-turn feels let down.
She is not disappointed with natural failure as such. She is disappointed in those things he promises and never fulfills, she is also disappointed in him if he gets to a place and gives other people attention first before he makes an effort to get to her.
The twigs are not things that he can’t do. Usually it’s normal everyday things that he can easily do something about. It’s just that he doesn’t know what is really going on.
She wants his special attention
Paying attention to other people before paying attention to her is rejection. Most women will not talk about it because it’s viewed by him and by society as being needy or demanding, just like men will not directly ask for copulation as this is viewed as being demanding, but deep down this is exactly what is going on.
Because the true context of what is really going on in each’s heart is not expressed, men and women continue to hurt and reject each other without realizing it and so they silently kill their relationship.
What they need from each other is not really hard to give, just not explained and therefore misunderstood.
A woman will give anything for the man who makes things happen, that man who keeps his word even for the little things. This is the true size of a man to a woman. This is what measures the length of his manhood to her. This is what makes an alpha male to any woman and she will forever give him what he asks. Anything else comes second in this case. Even if he has the smallest organ a woman will not let this bother her. It is not the most important thing.
The qualification of what’s required, every man can fulfill.
This is not coming from standards but rather from a primal urge. This is why women come across as pushy. It is an urge like an erection is for a man. It’s an urge to push him to deliver because the natural code in place knows it is what will keep them together. She cares so much and gets angry at him for breaking his promise leading to destroying her attraction towards him. The anger is about fear of losing her attraction for him and a possible break up and not about standards or enjoying being a nag. I don’t know if this is making any sense. I hope it is.
If a man could realize what keeping a promise means to a woman then he will stop seeing it as he is being controlled by the woman or seeing it as a burden. In the same way, if a woman considers the importance of his advances to her, then receiving or accepting that which is important to him becomes a joy.
If men and women understand what means what to the other, keeping the basics intact and giving to each other becomes a joy actually and not a chore.
What can he do to help her when he can’t keep his word
When a man realizes he can’t keep his promise, for whatever reason, it is better to tell her and explain why. That way she won’t feel rejected. If he just says I’m sorry without an explanation she will still feel rejected. When a woman asks a man “Why” he feels like she is demanding and controlling but she is actually trying to solve her problem of rejection. She wants to know that he really didn’t reject her but had this and that to take care of.
This whole thing works if the man understands why he has to keep his word and make things happen or explain why he couldn’t when he can’t, in turn the woman’s feelings for him are heightened and her attraction towards him increases for she then perceives him as caring and considerate.
If they were in a group and he got there late she will expect him to find her first, know she is okay before he socializes with everybody else, any other way registers as rejection. This is true for every woman. It’s just not said. For the man who does this becomes her prince and she will give him the royal reception in her life.
When he gets home, even without an audience, finding her first, if she is not waiting to greet him at the door, is what registers as not rejection.
This is not implying that a man should be at her beck and call. It’s not even the big insurmountable things. Just fulfilling those promises made and giving her appropriate attention. Any other way and everything just dies down slowly and permanently eventually.
When a woman is not giving a push in an unhappy situation… she is busy losing interest. It is the same with a man I guess. When he is not giving a push for copulation, when he is not getting any, he is busy losing interest too. It’s probably not how most people want to look at it because they think being quiet and pretending things are okay is the best way. It is not.
Too many let downs with explanations won’t make the mark either. He cannot become an alpha male in her eyes by talking his way out of situations all the time either. When she asks for help he should not be wishy washy with his response. If he can’t help let him say it clearly to her so that she understands. That makes her respect him, than giving a feeble yes that he never fulfills. This is really not about a man who can do everything, it’s about the decisive man who keeps his word against all odds once he has given his word.
Here is my video on how to know if a guy likes you.
This is a preoccupation by most women. The above video gives you 11 signs to check against. To answer your questions about, does he really like me, is he really into me, does he want a relationship, is he ready for a relationship or am I just wasting my time?
Jealousy is, in most cases, just a misunderstanding of how men and woman function.
I have been caught out many times, saying things to men that I shouldn’t unless I wanted to be understood a certain way. I have accused my better half many times of saying things to women that he shouldn’t unless he intentionally wanted to be understood a certain way, and when I pointed it out he called me jealousy and insecure. I was furious and he was furious. He said he didn’t think about what he said, that he just said those things without thinking. And I was thinking that he was lying to me, how could he say those things without thinking!!! Oh my goodness it was a never ending war.
It was only when I was guilty of the same crime. When I said certain things to men and he explained to me how it translates in a man’s world that I realized what I had done. The things I had said, that mean totally different things to a man.
This is what I learned, when a woman is speaking to a man she ought to think about what she is saying. How she speaks to men should be totally different to how she speaks to women.
Here are examples ;
A woman says oh you are my hero to a man. She is just saying I am grateful for your help but this totally means something different to him.
If a man says to a woman
‘Oh you are a breathe of fresh air.’ That statement means something totally different to a woman and triggers different emotions in her to what the man really means.
If he says oh if you need anything just shout. To her he wants to be the man in her life kind of.
Just little statements mean quite different things to a woman or vise versa.
So when a woman or man is out and about with a partner and interacting with other people, they can literally unintentionally upset each other so much before the end of that outing. A woman is forced to literally watch her man throw supposedly ‘come ons’ to other women and he is forced to literally watch her throw supposedly ‘come ons’ to other men. Now, depending on the jealousy make up of the other, you will have tempers flaring at the end of outings. And then after that there is mistrust of each other because they believe that as soon as one gets an opportunity to speak to the opposite gender they are at it, flirting!
This is such a huge misunderstanding between men and women. Half of the time the misunderstanding is not voiced. People quietly get jealous.
It was only after I was on the offending side that I totally understood what I had been accusing my other half of. I also began to understand what his response to my accusations meant and that he was really innocent in his defense. Far out, this is so complex for any couple unless they openly discuss issues to unravel where the other is coming from. It is absolutely necessary to always discuss issues truly and openly as they are, in order to get each other’s perspective. Believe me, there is always a misunderstanding or difference between what a man sees and understands to what a woman sees and understands in any given situation or conversation. Even with very simple events or interactions. Many a time explosive situations are created unknowingly.
A man or woman is saying something that to the other seems to be saying “I am available” This is why outsiders will consider a supposedly come on from a person who is out and about with their beloved. Because relationships are so complex a come on from a person who seems to have their partner with them signals that it is obvious that they are available otherwise they would not put out those come on signals. But actually there is no come on at all. The person is just talking and their talk is being understood from a different perspective. And if accused of the fact they become defensive and confused!
The not so strong relationships break down in this process whilst others become unfaithful from a supposedly miraculous springing up of an unexpected positive response. Only it’s not miraculous, it’s just from a total misunderstanding of wrongly read signals and weakness gets the better of those involved and they follow a trail accidentally created.
A man says something to a woman and she misinterprets it as a come on. he enjoys her response and thinks she likes him not knowing she is behaving that way from his initial supposedly come on and before long none of these two know who sent the first come on and there could arise accusations and each thinks they are the wronged party and are therefore right in their accusations. My good ness this is so complex. A couple can never work it out without a full and open dialogue.
Full and open communication between couples is extremely important otherwise that relationship has no chance of survival, even the closest of partners will break without true and open communication. There is always two different worlds and two different perspectives even with things that appear to be an agreement at face value. It is always very important to check on how the other got the message and compare notes.
As for dealing with other people it is always important to keep conversation as simple as possible with less flowery language. It is flowery language that creates most misunderstandings. Gosh this is such a huge topic. I stumbled on it by error. I was the accuser first and caused so much heartache until the shoe was on my foot. Looking back I saw how it really is.
A man and woman in-love, by being totally open and honest with each other will open each other’s eyes in terms of what is meant by putting it straight to other men or women out there. I also realize that many a time a man or woman have no idea how they managed to attract the other. Things just happen.
From the misunderstanding of what men should say to a woman and vise versa I realized that both are clueless and this is how they continue to say the wrong things to the opposite gender creating jealousy in the other and turning around and accusing them of being jealousy or insecure. That means when they got their partner in the first place they actually never understood the language at play. Things just happen through trial and error, otherwise men and women would know what to say and what not to say to the opposite gender.
Partners need to educate each other about what to say and what not to say. It’s just about comparing notes until the other understands what certain things mean to the opposite gender. This WILL CLEAR ALL unfounded jealousy in a relationship. When you finally realize how innocent some comments from your other half to someone are, you will start to discuss things from a non accusatory point of view. Each partner will understand fully how the opposite gender processes thoughts and will stop making those blatant mistakes when out and about.
But there is a huge benefit to all this. In this process the couple learns what is truly complimentary to the other and genuine compliments will be confined to the real loving space and enhances the relationship.
You are thy partner’s food… this is my online relationship advice for today on the silent relationship killer. There is something that partners, almost all partners agree on that subtly kills every relationship. This silent relationship killer will make you sober when you truly look at it’s impact. It’s devastating in it’s wake. This is a really grave matter.
Relationships are always a blessing for immunity, energy and creativity boosting. Most people believe that working hard and providing for the family is very important. Much more important to anything else because when there is no food on the table, there is a problem.
But unbeknownst to most, physical feeding has equal importance to relationship feeding. If you have a partner who is not relationship feeding you properly, you lose appetite for physical feeding. That shows that relationship feeding is even more important to physical feeding. Whenever a relationship has been set in motion, we have to feed properly from that relationship for everything else to flow the way it should. Our body needs to feed everyday and that means in a relationship, our feeding needs to occur everyday. As frequently as proper physical feeding does. If you don’t practice this, your relationship is definitely dying.
People always wonder how to accommodate a partner because they view a partner as something separate from what they do everyday. Do you ever wonder how or when to eat or do you just know you eat when you are hungry and you feel hungry everyday don’t you?
Here is my problem and a problem that kills most relationships. One partner says I’m busy and they are genuine about it too. The other partner says I understand.
Every experience you go through leaves a residue of energy of it’s kind. Here is how I can help you to understand this concept. If you make a bonfire and sit around it for fun and warmth, when you walk away from that bonfire, your clothes will smell of smoke. Take those clothes off and put them away without washing them and wait a month and you will still smell the smoke. The smell lingers long after the experience. That is a deposit of energy from an experience. It’s a residue of energy from a bonfire experience. Anyone who will sniff those clothes will know you have been around a bonfire at some point.
This is the same thing that happens with every experience in our life. Every experience leaves a residue of energy of it’s kind in our life. And here lies the problem with the silent relationship killer. I looked at it, experienced it and decided this deserves to be online as relationship advice. I write this with a heavy heart because it really saddens me to realize how many relationships have broken up due to this problem. It is a grave situation that outwardly doesn’t appear so. Please, please, please take heed of what I am writing here.
When you say you are busy, at that moment, in your mind, there is a subtle computation that your being busy takes priority, that it is a time separate from your relationship and you want your partner to get it and the partner gets it and they stay away from you for however long it takes to get that busy-ness out of the way. That experience leaves an energy residue of cut-off-ness that will linger long after this experience. So you have a residue there that has it’s own kind of smell. This slightly alters your original condition of the way you related to each other. This happens so subtly. The busy partner will even thank the other for being understanding. The understanding partner is proud to be understanding. This is BULLSHIT!!! Bullshit!!! You are silently killing your relationship! Slowly depositing separateness. I am dead serious about this one. I normally don’t swear but this particular issue calls for me to put it across so strongly so that it really gets into your head that this is not a trivial matter and should be totally unacceptable in everyone’s mind. Please note that I said it should be totally unacceptable in the mind and not as a blame to the other partner. This is a special note. Non separateness HAS to be created in each partner’s mind especially when they are busy.
IN A RELATIONSHIP, NEVER AGREE TO ALLOW TIME OFF TO GET ON WITH BEING BUSY you will deposit time off energy residue on your relationship that will alter your relationship.
We never get too busy to eat, food never becomes unpalatable because we are too busy, food will not lose it’s taste because we are or have been busy. No matter how busy we are we always look forward to the lunch or tea break. Why then do we think it’s ok to allow each other to be busy skipping relationship feeding? It’s a killer. Here is why…
By agreeing to let the other be busy you are allowing the separation energy to subtly settle between you. It’s bad energy for the relationship. You are meant to be together and agreeing to separate intermittently is relationship suicide! It’s not a done thing! You accumulate separation energy in the process that continues to grow over time.
If you are in a relationship, it is important to consider food for the relationship in a similar fashion to the way we feed our physical bodies. We don’t think about food as a huge obstacle to deal with in our work schedules. We just incorporate it into the scheme of things.
Here is an example of a couple’s communication on this issue…
“I feel lonely baby, I feel lost, I feel separated from you. This is something I have never felt between us. Honey I think it goes against something to concentrate on work at the expense of being together. It does baby. Work should never come first. I was busy the whole of last week and now I feel lost. It just feels lonely like I have been separated from you and I know for certain that it is because I was consumed with work last week. I just know it from instinct that it is from that. I achieved a lot and yet it has destroyed something about us. Just observing this baby.
Work should never come first. NEVER. This is the new lesson I am learning. We were on a date and yet I just feel so terrible inside. A kind of revulsion from how it was last week. Spending a week without being properly with you but there is something there because of how work gets in between. I will keep looking and maybe at the end of this email I will have my finger on it. I miss being how we were. Loving each other all the time. That feels kind of lost. Can we go back to that baby? Just loving each other? When work gets in the way, we lose something. I don’t know what but I sense it and it’s accompanied by weird emotions. I sense it honey and it feels so sad.
I think this is how relationships break because of work. I think when we introduce something new into how we are, that thing leaves it’s own essence in our space. Like when we don’t talk for a long time that length of time leaves an essence of distance such that when we talk again we have to work at covering that distance back to where we were and in that distance other emotions come in, like anger and frustration etc. So with this new introduction of work it leaves an essence of being cut off, really being separated, exactly how it is when we are busy. That essence makes it feel sad baby. Like I have lost you. I’m crying honey. I feel so sad sweetheart. I really don’t like this. Distance or anger or frustration are better feelings to this one. This one is a feeling of being cut off. It’s the worst of them all. I totally get it now baby. Never do work at the expense of being together. It leaves a nasty essence. Working and being together in a relationship should never be viewed as separate. Now I understand why.
A relationship is important and should be accommodated for no matter what. If we don’t do it that way we will get divorced at some point honey. I know this for sure. Not out of anger but just from deposits of that essence. It’s a very negative essence on a relationship, really negative. The problem is that when it’s being deposited it does not feel negative. There is an allowance for it from both parties and so it appears to be the right thing to do. Once deposited it creates a separation and I suppose, unchecked it compounds over the years and before you know it the relationship is over. Closeness has been slowly killed.
The way the essence is left is very subtle that it can go unnoticed till it’s too late to know where it started because it will have compounded to a dense mass within the relationship loving space. Honey I don’t want to feel this anymore, please. It hurts. It hurts so much. It just hurts. I love you baby, feeling this separation is the worst emotion ever. It’s not even separation anxiety, it’s real separation from you. Oh baby, I want you back honey.”
Deciding to deal with this does not mean that partners should demand coming first all the time. Food never demands to come first all the time but we always know that we have to feed everyday. This is the point. When you are busy do not entertain the idea of being separated from your better half or not wanting to be disturbed. The only way I can make this easier to handle is that the attitude you have towards food is the attitude you should have towards your partner. No matter how busy you are in your day you have to have your partner in your original loving and playful way at some point in your day. They are not separate from what you do. They are part of everything else and I mean everything else.
Food and drink is part ofeverything you do because energy made from the food enables you to carry out your tasks that means you carry the essence of your food everywhere you go. This is the same undertaking with a relationship. Do not see it as separate from what you do. Relationship’s loving energy boosts your immunity, energy and creativity just like food. Carry it with you at all times. It is actually part and parcel of all your creativity. Be aware that to keep that busy schedule going successfully in your life, it is because you carry loving energy every single day. If you get divorced or your partner leaves you, you lose interest in everything you do. This is proof that your relationship is a priority. Incorporate it in everything you do. Find time for it everyday like food and drink no matter what.
It just takes thinking about it right. So simple actually. When you say to yourself, “My relationship is a priority, I take it everywhere with me.” You have created an end result in your life about your relationship and so everything aligns harmoniously according to your desire. To understand more on this concept read about our signature success formula. You won’t even need to fight with your better half about what comes first or how it should be between you and the time you spend together. Creating that end result in your mind aligns your life accordingly. You will find yourself effortlessly being able to switch off from your busy time to being with your loved one in the true sense. Even for just five minutes, the interaction or exchange will be a truly loving one before you get back to work. Just like you switch to taste buds from a busy schedule to enjoying some food over a lunch break.
The big problem here is that we tend to think that when we are busy we need to switch of from our relationship in order to concentrate. That in itself creates a needy-ness because suddenly you have created a scarcity of time for the relationship. Create an abundance in your mind and you will find that you will work throughout the day with the peace of mind and knowing that when you are hungry your partner is available.
Never create the idea that to work hard and focus you need space from the relationship because that is cutting off your relationship and you will deposit a residue of being cut off in the relationship that continues to exist long after you get home from work and months and years after that. Strangely we never think this way about food. Our mind always knows we feed when we get hungry and that creates such an uninhibited, light and pleasant feeling towards food because we have not created a separation from it in our minds. This is the same attitude we all need to have towards our relationship.
Relationships exist within what we think and do all the time and when we need to feed from the relationship it should be as natural as eating food. That special connection that has nothing to do with discussing problems or working on something. This is about purely being connected and being loving. This is what you must see at all times in your mind. Being busy or having problems come under the blanket of loving-ness within a relationship. That is the only way you can work or solve problems under the direction of loving particles that will align outcomes to positive or successful endings because you will be working with a positive residue all the time. That you are perpetually connected to your relationship. No entertaining the idea that you are busy now and so relationship aside. A relationship is a relationship and you are connected to it all the time. You are able to work hard because you get the strength from loving and being loved. When you separate the relationship you are cutting off the reservoir and so you will fail in what you do.
Feeding in a relationship can be just kissing or embracing or just telling each other I love you, texting loving messages or just calling each other to hear each other’s voices, the silly things part of the relationship, coming from a base of being continually connected in the mind and energy wise. This connecting is what enables the mind to have the ability to be creative in working hard or solving problems. Time together doesn’t have to be long but just a proper connection. When you eat food, you enjoy the taste because you give yourself time to eat or drink it. Even a little sip is still a delicious experience because your consideration that food is good has never changed. This is because you are always ready to eat the food. There is no big debate about it in your mind. You know you love food and you are going to eat it everyday. This is the same thing with a relationship. Food is good and when it is not cooked it probably is not that good but it doesn’t deter you from focusing on the end result of the good taste. No matter how many problems come up in your relationship, focus on it’s good taste. Problems are never permanent make the pleasure from your relationship the permanent feature in your relationship. it works. that is the constant deposit of good energy in your life. Make love first before you talk about your problems. Concentrate on the tassty end result always like food. When we think of food WE NEVER EVER THINK OF IT AS UNPALATABLE< NEVER even though it can be at times BUT we never see that picture EVER! isn’t this interesting. Bad moments with food will always be over powered by the good taste we always have in our mind about food. It is because we have managed to create a positive lingering residue about food. Taste your relationship well and at some point you will have the same vibe that you have about food and tell you what, your life will be fun and successful, delectable as my better half likes to call it. Focus on the goodness and then create and taste the sweetness, a lot, together, this then lingers within you in everything you do.
Here is what one celebrity said about his relationship…
James met Jane before he was famous and they have been married for over twenty years. James says the secret to their successful marriage of more than 20 years (Which is a lot in terms of celebrity marriages), is making sure that work doesn’t separate them and that when he is away for a long time he spends the same amount of time with his wife when he is done, a great recipe for success in a relationship. Take your relationship everywhere in your mind.
You know you will be together forever anyway so why create a separation when you are busy or discussing challenging situations? There is NEVER a disagreement, there is only seeing things from different points of view and so every encounter is only about comparing of notes of different views. Creating a separation because of it, is killing a relationship for nothing.
There is no disconnection between you and your partner at any given time in your life. Every meeting is just an enhancement of that connection. The residue you want to deposit and grow is that of continued love. This is how it should be in your mind. So there is never any separation. Don’t put it in your mind and everything will be as it should be.
True respect for another comes from being aware that each and every one of us thinks, assesses, computes, evaluates and perceives everything first from our own point of view. This is what we call every person’s own world and that it is imperative to consider this fact in every communication we pass along. Every failure or success is hinged on this one fact. Failure to consider that another has a different view point will make you a failure both in business and in a relationship. There is a way though that anyone can use to get communication across, creating more chances at success than those that don’t apply that formula. For each of us there is a private and a public world. Anything that exists or comes from outside of you is the public world. It is that side where an individual can have suggestions or inputs from other people.
Before anything can exist outside in the public it exists in some private individual’s world. Your feelings or emotions relating to your world are all very personal to you. It is absolutely important to always bear this in mind because every piece of communication is a negotiation and a comparison of notes between these individual worlds. To the degree that each person is able to keep this in mind and communicate in a way to get through to other people’s worlds then the world is their oyster. The ability to communicate effectively is the nugget in this article. If you improve the way you negotiate with others’ worlds, everything around you improves too. The way to do this is the final nail to this communication series.
If you want to put something in someone else’s world, you will need to put it there by means of thinking about what you want to say and what you want to achieve and then decide the other person will get it. This is the application of our signature success formula. That you need to create something in your world through your thoughts, what you want exactly and then decide what end result you want and finally predetermine that that result has been achieved.
In communication with another, you have to consider what it is you are going to say before you say it. This is where a lot of people fail. They just say things without considering what it is they are going to say and for what end result. When you communicate with someone, you want to have a certain result. You must have that result in mind and keep that in mind as you communicate and what you are going to say will naturally be based on that. You must also decide that the other person is going to get your meaning and receive it. That is the full creation in your universe. You hold that thought there and you will find that when you finally communicate, the communication will get across effectively. If you don’t do that, you will find that you will be very weak in communication and people will not listen to you. This is a very simple operation.
In your communication, remember that attention follows attention. Keep your attention on what it is you want to achieve and focus your attention on whoever you are communicating with and they will automatically focus on you. This is another natural law. Whenever you focus on someone you draw their attention. This is all about energies. You can draw people to you by focusing on what it is you want them to understand from you.
We have now come to the end of our communication series. Use it to achieve your success and happiness.
There is also a part that is a big part of the barriers for effective communication. This part introduces the effects of nature’s creative energy. This is the part when someone goes back on their word creating incomplete communication.
If you believe that when you sincerely desire something you somehow feel the urge to move towards that goal, that push towards, that somehow having an urge, is the other crucial element at play, to some it is what they call ‘the universe works to bring that thing to you that you truly desire’, bear with me and read on to discover secrets to communication that will shock and also lead to your success and happiness in this series of five articles.
As soon as you put something out there in your mind, nature gathers forces to start the motion of putting that thing into your life. People and situations begin to happen in your life that match the coming into being of what you desire. Have you ever thought of someone you haven’t seen for a long time and they call you or you meet them on that day or day after as you go about your business? We are never alone, the universe works with us and travels along our paths with us. It is an ongoing communication and relationship with it. Whatever you want to call this, it’s a creative force in nature that is set in motion when we start creating something in our world through thoughts or conversations and agreements with other people. It is the other element that facilitates the creation of our desires.
Now, imagine that two people agree on something and one decides not to honor their side of the agreement. The rule in nature is that whatever you ask for and believe that you have got it, will come to be. This is the successful person’s mindset and that is why they succeed. Therefore whatever you make someone believe, you have set in motion Nature’s force to facilitate granting the thing. When you go back on your word, you are also going against that force in nature and-that-is-a-huge-mistake. Here is where all problems are born.
Honestly, communication gives birth to or resolves problems. It is a universal solvent because it is the basis of how life works. It is the bed on which rests everything. You communicate with yourself or with other people and the creative force in nature is always in tour. This last part of that statement is important, we shall discuss it at length and you will see why.
Have you ever wondered why there is that energy of being upset? I mean, you promise something to someone then change your mind meantime that someone is waiting for that which you promised but really what is the big deal? How come we end up with that upset disturbance? What exactly is being disturbed? Why is it not possible to just realize that someone has changed their mind and just move on without getting upset?
Here is what most will not understand. The person who gets upset goes into a huge expression of some form of energy. This is because, like I said, when people go into an agreement there is always a third element to consider; As soon as an agreement is reached, the universe goes into the creative mode. “Whatever you ask, ye shall receive.” The forces of nature get evoked. So when someone fails to deliver, they are now going against those forces of nature.
In this case all that creative energy that has been set in motion has to be dissipated and this is what we witness as an upset. When one is dealing with an extremely creative person they are likely to come up against forceful energy in an upsetting situation because creative people tend to garner much more energy in their creative cycles.
Going back on a promise is actually going back on or an attempt to block the flow of the natural creative energy set in motion at the point f an agreement. This creates havoc within the energies. Once set in motion, creative energy can not be blocked or stopped from flowing and we can never be stronger than nature. Imagine going against a raging sea? Nature can be forceful when disturbed. This is why most people do not want to confront upsets. Little do they know that they have to be brave and just observe that powerful sea and wait for it to calm down. They don’t have to go into it but just observe it. Only when it’s calm can they go in and swim. An upset is just that. It’s the deviated creative energy being dissipated.
Ecclesiastes 5:6″ Don’t let your mouth make you sin. And don’t defend yourself by telling the Temple messenger that the promise you made was a mistake. That would make God angry, and he might wipe out everything you have achieved.”
I believe the bible says things in riddles but it explains laws in nature. This is just a law of nature being expressed in religious terms. It will apply to anyone, religious or not. I will be using quotes like these but they are natural phenomena that will apply to anyone.
A communication cycle should never be left incomplete. Going back on one’s word, deciding to leave something unsaid, stopping someone from expressing them-self, talking without the ability to listen, or listening and leaving things unsaid, all boils down to an incomplete communication cycles and is an attempt to block or force nature’s energy from completing what was started. This creates problems. Life is just a vast creative, communication system. That is where everything we create begins. It is a base underlying all that we do. We invoke that system the minute we decide to speak to someone or think of something. To the degree that you don’t abide by the laws of nature, you fail.
“I will not violate my covenant, nor alter the thing that is gone out of my lips” Psalm 89:34. It seems this is one of the laws.
Once you give your word you must honor it otherwise you are going back on Nature’s creative force. It’s a huge force that will blow in your face. It just becomes what you will perceive and call an upset but really you are just watching altered creative energy and because the original cause is altered its subsequent expression is altered too. A loving person becomes an upset person.
What do you do in a case like that? You silently watch the energy dissipate and when it has stopped dissipating, that is when the person expressing an upset has worn them-self out, you apologize if you have caused the upset and that completes the original cycle of communication. This should bring things back to normal. A cycle of communication must always be complete. There are a lot of different ways a cycle of communication gets complete. It is not just in speech. It can be the completion of a project or the completion of a journey or the conclusion of a deal. When communication is incomplete or left hanging it creates difficulties. This also seems to be another law.
“If a man vows a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.” Numbers 30:2 ESV
Our word is sacred in that it sets in motion Nature’s creative force. Every conversation is a negotiation of setting the creative force in motion. You speak to someone and then you wait for their input and continue to converse till there is an agreement. True communication is always being able to talk and then being able to listen, taking it in turns, because everything is about negotiating your world with the other people or person’s world. It’s an honor to be exercised at all times. It’s special. Conversation IS very special. It is commanding nature.
Once a promise is made, it is actually an honor for the person to whom the promise is made to insist on it being fulfilled because in the fulfillment of that promise lies the practice and path to happiness and success. There is always a nugget at the end of a communication cycle but some communication cycles are so hard that most people choose to leave things unsaid. A couple must know and practice the secret of completing incomplete communication cycles for their happiness.
This is a long haul when it involves a disagreement and this is where most people fall down because most such communication is never taken to completion. People feel it’s too much and they drop the communication because they cannot bear the tension.
Some people suffer from not being able to put their ideas across effectively and they wonder how to do that. Click here for the solution to this.
Know this, if you have an unresolved issue, it is because you have not communicated about it enough or you have tried but left some things unsaid probably because the other person invalidated your reach or they turned around and made you wrong or you are just afraid of pushing through seemingly difficult barriers.
People block communication from other people because they have no idea that other people have their own world that computes things differently from their world and will express things differently. So instead of just listening and comparing notes to reach a resolve in a situation they try to control it or stop it, insisting on their own way.
People will express things that can cause upsets when they are upset. That is how the energy is manifesting in their body at that moment. If suppressed then it becomes corrosive. Expressing it is getting rid of it and so it’s a good thing for the one expressing it. The listener must just let it be without taking it into their own personal world. Don’t acknowledge anything that is negative but don’t try to stop the one in the process of communicating either, just let is flow for their sake because they need to release negative energy.
Mixing communication is the most common and destructive thing in a couple’s communication. One is upset about something and the other takes it personal and goes into retaliation mode and brings up loads of other issues of their own and then the other comes back with their own take on it and before long no one knows where it all started and the blame game is in the fore with all the destruction in it’s wake. All this creates incomplete communication and more upsets, leaves cycles hanging and heavy with tension.
When one partner is upset it is better for the other to go into the listening mode, just listening till the other partner has fully expressed their self. Only then the other can apologize if they are the cause of the upset, and then put across facts concerning the issue from their own point of view, answer any questions if they are any and this completes the cycle of that communication.
AND THEN, Only then, can they originate their own issues or upsets that could have arisen from the upset. This is opening a new cycle of communication even though it may be related to the other cycle. Like saying, “You know with your past upset, I also got upset because of this this this this.” The other partner, not being upset anymore, is able to accommodate the other in a similar fashion as happened with their own upset. At the end of those two or more cycles, the couple effectively handle issues without mixing cycles and this creates more harmony and understanding. This way the couple effectively listen and give each other support in their communication cycles regardless of who the upset is directed at. The couple is taking turns to express upsets and this gives them time to listen to each other and complete all the communication cycles.
Having said that, when someone is upset they just communicate that way and this is a natural way to get rid of excess energy. If given space to express them-self, once they get rid of excess energy they get back to their senses and because their mind is clear of that negative energy, they are able to revisit the upset and communicate it positively. There ain’t much to do or say from the listening partner in that first phase of an acute upset except to allow the other to express them-self. Over time the couple may even find the upset funny. Communication is always amazing in whatever form it rears it’s head, as long as the people involved in the communication know the effective ways to handle that communication.
Negotiation or communication must go on till each person has expressed what they feel about the situation and feel that they have been heard no matter how hard that communication gets. It is the only way forward. Take a break they must if need be. But it’s only a break. A clear resolution must be reached amicably before an issue is dropped. Anything less and the couple lives to fight about the same issue another day, meantime carrying around resentful energy. Not good at all.
One who chooses not to communicate when it’s appropriate stores that energy and will communicate that very thing when it’s least expected at another time in some other cycle. Only this time around it resurfaces as inappropriate. It is being expressed at a time when something else is going on creating confusion to the current communication. This is because it was not expressed at the time it should have been expressed and was stored somewhere within the body. The body has to get rid of it and so it will bring it up when it’s least appropriate.
A lot of times a relationship is well over way before it really is over. It is mostly due to lack of communication, the suppression of communication or part communication. To stop talking about something before a full understanding is reached is half a communication that lays dormant to torment the couple at some other stage.
Suppression of communication comes in two ways. One way is when partners suppress how they feel about situations in the name of politeness or what they believe are social norms or etiquette. Nothing is ever suppressed forever. Our bodies are about experiencing things and letting them flow as energy. Communicating and taking action is how we do that. When that flow is inhibited at any given point, it will spill out at another time in the form of something else. It can be gossip, judgement, resentment, disease and in extreme cases violence or suicide. There is no point to suppress communication because it always finds a way to come out of the body, always.
Any emotions that are forcefully suppressed become a disease within the body and the relationship. They are being stored where they shouldn’t. It is healthy for every couple to allow each other full expression of all emotions. This is not easy but it’s possible.
By just listening, the listener can pick on what they can repair if they are the cause of the upset and discuss a way forward. There is no qualification of how much the other person gets upset. The only condition is that an upset should not go into name calling. Name calling is a veering away from a problem at hand. It is blocking the other person from expressing their upset. This doesn’t solve the problem at hand except create resentment. The more one suppresses communicating the more they are strange and unreasonable in their communication. Whenever there is an upset stick to the problem at hand, don’t handle it by getting personal and putting down the other party. Manhandling a problem never works.
Another requirement is the ability of the partner in the listening mode to just listen, to steel them-self against judging, to accept the other’s communication, to allow the other to communicate without taking it personal. Accepting another’s communication does not necessarily mean agreeing with what the other says. This is an interesting point. Very few people communicate to this level. There will always be disagreements, loads and loads of them but there will arise respect and understanding of each other from fully communicating. It is like walking through a wall of fire but it’s the only way to get to the other side where the delectable nuggets are. All the ugly things will come up but that is altered Nature’s creative force being dissipated for you! It has to. Click here to get the full explanation of this creative force concept.
True communication begins with getting the exact meaning of another’s communication. When someone does not get the same meaning to your communication a lot of problems can arise. Did you know that no one will ever 100% duplicate what you communicate, ever? You will understand this more as you read on.
We all see the world through our own eyes and experiences which is unique to every individual.
If I say the word ‘house’ and ask a hundred people to draw one, I will get 1oo different forms and shapes of houses from each person. I am sure there will not be two houses drawn that will have the same size and an exact match when the drawings are put together one on top of the other. Sometimes you think you are communicating something to someone but people will always have a total or slightly different version of what you are saying. It is worthwhile to remember that from this example, everything you say to someone is a negotiation to help them to see how you see things and not a statement of fact to them.
Everyone has a world of their own which has an understanding and different perception from yours. So whatever you say initially to anyone is not necessarily a finality in that the other person will always have a version of their own, but, as you continue to explain your exact meaning they will get where you are coming from although they may not necessarily agree with it. At least you will have reached a point where you know the other person has duplicated your meaning or context. This is a lengthy process that feels cumbersome to some and requires a lot of patience. So, true communicating is about comparing notes and negotiation even though it may seem like it’s just a conversation. It’s always about comparing notes. If everyone understood it this way, we would all respect each other’s perspective. No one would impose their thinking on anyone.
Most people do not think they are negotiating with another’s world when they talk to someone. Failure to see it this way creates situations where people do not accept differing viewpoints from other people. Unfortunately this is so subtle that sometimes people are behaving in a manner that says I don’t accept your communication. They go into all sorts of handling of other people other than just letting the flow of communication proceed. Things like ‘you don’t think’, ‘you are stupid’ or any such is really an attempt to shut down another’s way of seeing things and instead impose another idea or perception.
Communication can easily go into misunderstanding, name calling, up-man-ship and whatever else that signals disagreement. A negative control of communication will cause more damage both to the relationship and the person who has been asked to bottle it. An inability to perceive the aspect that each person understands things from a different perception than ours is the cause of almost all negative communication and maybe over 90% of relationship breakdowns. It is an inability to take another person’s world into account in communicating and it is therefore not communication at all and it will destroy a relationship in the same way total lack of communication does.
Full communication is about walking another person through what is going on in the other’s mind for the purpose of helping that other to fully understand what is going on before they can participate in a conversation. Trying to make sure the other person gets as close as possible to an exact copy of what is communicated. When one does not fully get what the other communicates their response can be so off the mark and create trouble that escalates into many more misunderstandings. Like I said before, this is because everyone has their own personal world in which there are different and unique computations of experiences and so we always associate things through our own unique perceptions.
Success in a relationship is NEVER about not upsetting the other person, we are human and we will always make mistakes. Success is in being able to communicate to the point that every effort is made that any subject being discussed’s meaning is fully understood by the other in the context it is being delivered. This sounds simple but it is not. It can take days to get to a conclusion and understanding of what one meant in a specific communication. This is the step where most people give up and a promising relationship goes down the drain. This is also where the other person chooses to block continued communication on a subject. Some do this from fear of hearing unpleasant things. This creates incomplete communication and there grows a kind of withdrawal and dislike for each other. The relationship begins to erode.
Many a time communication becomes a muddled affair because one person takes personal what the other is saying because they have misunderstood what is meant and the communication escalates into a fight . Some ways to look at and handle incomplete communication are explained in this article.
I am so excited to be writing a series of five articles that will help couples to effectively manage the barriers for effective communication. Relationships build resentment over the years due to communication going wrong. An ability to manage communication cycles mean a definite happy and healthy relationship.
Here is the list of the five articles that will cover this series all under the barriers for effective communication issues.
Getting the exact meaning of a communication, a lack of which creates so many problems for the couple.
Incomplete communication and Upsets
Nature’s creative energy and how it aids or affects our communication.
How to deliver effective communication
We all dream of permanently loving and ever fresh relationships, full of joy. When we waltz into a relationship, most of us have no idea of the complexities or advantages of communication. We don’t even know we have to move through tough communication hurdles to get to where relationship nuggets are. We arrive at the door of being in a relationship, crash through it, start kissing and cuddling and everything else and assume everything else will be hunky-dory until we resent each other so much and there is very little of the fondness, kissing, cuddling and talking to each other that was at the beginning of the relationship.
There are lots of barriers for effective communication, some quite simple and others much more complex. You can ask someone a simple question and instead of answering the question they will go into a lot of things that have nothing to do with what has been asked. This is quite hard in relationships. It is true that fully communicating in a relationship is the key. It is easy to see this as the solution to a couple’s problems and it is also really easy for most to give this as the solution but honestly, communication between two people, especially in a relationship, is tough. It is the toughest thing a couple has to conquer before they can have a healthy relationship.
What do you do when you broach a subject and you get a rebuff or one word answers or the conversation goes on a little bit but creates misunderstandings and one partner gets short with the other? What do you do when communicating becomes difficult? I will tell you what most people do… they let sleeping dogs lie. Wrong decision. Those dogs are not sleeping, they will soon reproduce and have a litter of puppies that bark at you so much you will regret ever having let them lie!
Most people get excited at the idea that communication is what should happen in a relationship and their picture to that communication is totally different from what it is in practice. They see and think of communication as something light, agreeable and pleasant, that only includes things they can take on board. Partly this is true. Just partly. Real communication is about fully communicating.
Is it possible to fully communicate? Can people take what comes with full communication? Fear of rejection or loss of love is probably the biggest of all the barriers for effective communication in a relationship and yet the opposite is true. Full communication that includes unpleasant things eventually lifts or dissipates unwanted energy and clears the way for love and respect and a bond that gives birth to unconditional love. If a couple can remove that fear of rejection by reassuring each other that they will communicate about things in a space of total acceptance without judgement and allow each other to express fully what they go through and then giving them space to bounce back to the positive self there will be a totally different outcome, even if the listener says nothing except listen. You will soon understand more why this is. A lot of patience is required here.
Communication between couples is the most difficult because it is about taking two individual worlds and getting each to properly understand the other’s meaning and then making the decision of the end result as one to bring an idea into vibration and then acting on it to make it work. This is where all problems in a relationship lie. Solving this and being willing to take the cumbersome cycle of this form of communicating will produce a blissful relationship. It won’t always be hard. It is hard at the beginning but as the couple understand each other more they find that upsets get less and when they come up they get handled quickly.
How does a partner choose to accept communication of love and not communication about an upset. When something is upsetting to another they are bound to express it in an upset way just like when they are loving they express the emotion in a loving way? Is this not to be expected? Why is it so difficult for people to accept communication of all emotions except love? It is the inability to face or just quietly observe the unpleasant parts of communication that causes a rift and the complete breakdown of a relationship. Anything not fully communicated or suppressed is a birth of a problem, there will be so many unsaid things, causing loads of assumptions, judgments and resentments over the years. It is also the thing that makes relationships stale.
Anybody who is allowed to express how they feel always bounces back to their positive self. Full expression is a healing process, a therapeutic one too. Even the bible says something about it; James 5:16 says “Confess your sins one to another and pray for one another so that you may be healed.” I know that these days sin and confession are words translated differently from what they meant then but really it just means in communication is a process of healing. ” The word “confess” is the Greek word ekzomologeo, a word that means to declare, to say out loud, to exclaim, to divulge, or to blurt. ” This following article continues to explain this special concept. A full understanding of it will amaze you. Click here for the amazing article.
Here is one of a relationship breaker – lack of empathy. In my healthy relationship tips, empathy is a big one. Couples do not empathize as much as they should and this is a thing that has been created by society. If you really want to have a strong and healthy relationship, empathy is crucial and yet every relationship is formulated to forget about empathy.
Men and women, both ways, do not have the ability to understand and share feelings of another.
This all boils down to roles. When a couple get together, the man is expected to be strong. He is supposed to handle whatever tantrum his woman throws at him. So women get angry, lash out and get capricious. IT IS THEIR PREROGATIVE AS THE WEAKER SEX, or is it?
I was throwing this tantrum and bent on having my own way as usual. My better half was having his problems trying to handle a huge issue. There I was, just carrying on with my capriciousness. Only when he excused himself from his job to handle his issue did I suddenly realize he was not okay. He had hinted over a period of two weeks that something was not right and he was doing it like every man usually does, putting it light. Of course he thought I would not help because it was too big an issue to handle. So I continued to be capricious and he was trying to handle that too. It became too much and he snapped at me. Oh my goodness, the accusations I then leveled at him! I told him that he didn’t care, he was rude, he didn’t understand, you name it. He started apologizing and the rest of the stuff. Then he told me he had excused himself from work to handle the other issue. At that point he was in a state. He couldn’t work. He was withdrawing in order to focus. It was just too much for him. This is when I realized something.
I stopped in my tracks. There is a way that he explained what he was going through without giving me all the details but it got home the message that he was dealing with a big issue and he felt all alone. Men DO feel lonely. Women don’t know that. Men were raised to be strong and that is what they try to be all their life. They don’t let women in and women always assume they are okay. This rubs off all the empathy a woman might have for her man. He becomes this invincible something that can handle everything. There is almost no consideration of his emotions in that picture. It is as though he has no deep emotions. This removes her capacity to understand or feel what he is experiencing from within his frame of reference, i.e., the capacity to place herself in his position and truly feel for him.
So in the end the man does not feel truly loved and throughout their relationship life, he is actually lonely… Oh-my-goodness! The realization of this shocked me. Really, really shocked me. I started to empathize with my man. I explained to him how women are made into irresponsible unloving partners from society’s expectations.
If only men tell women what they are going through. Not because they want women to give them solutions but so that women understand, empathize and can give them space to work out things. Most women think a man’s greatest need is sex. This is not true. A man’s greatest need is empathy. Men are lonely, very lonely creatures. They have no one to talk to about their deep emotions. It is just not manly! BUT what are these society manly expectations cruel notions! A man is a human being with feelings too. How about just looking at it from this point of view? A man is reduced to being a strong unfeeling robot for a woman to throw tantrums at, expect him to love and protect her and the children while she gives him sex which is also rationed or given begrudgingly! Men take on a lot for very little in return so they become hard and harsh.
If you want your relationship to flourish, this is a point to consider right at the onset of a relationship, otherwise this attitude of non empathy will certainly destroy the relationship. I also think it is one of the strong reasons why men cheat. They go to a mistress who almost always has the patience to listen. Although this is not a solution to the problem because soon the mistress throws tantrums and the man runs away! Lol!
The point of empathy is really a serious and crucial one, that men and women need to work on building, right from the beginning of a relationship. To be able to talk to each other about what is going on without fear of judgement. This is a special healthy relationship tips tip. Take heed, you will save your relationship – big time.
We all look for the magic button or formula for success and I am glad to confirm that there is indeed one, without a doubt! I know you are used to being told that there is no magic formula for success but hard work. Contrary to that advice there is a magic formula for success. Hard work is only third in the formula for success sequence. Don’t let anyone fool you into the idea that only through hard work can you succeed. That is the biggest lie I ever heard. It’s a way to enslave people without giving them the true ingredient for success.
Hard work without the other two ingredients never creates the kind of success you are looking for. In the end most people are just used for the purpose of working hard for other people with no success ever knocking on their door. To have the best relationship, to make money or even to have success doing simple tasks in life, everyone needs to know this unique and magical formula for success. Don’t be used by other people, get to know the magic formula and use it for your own success. It is all laid out in this post. This is extremely special content for exquisite relationship paid members only.
The magic formula for success is about three elements, your world, the physical world and your actions, all connected through your thoughts. There is a small step between your world and the physical world that makes all the difference to achieve success.
Your world is the world where you think and see things in your own way. It is infinite and you are capable of putting anything you desire into it by means of creating mental models of the things you desire and you get to keep those things in your world by holding up the perceptions of your mental models. You can virtually put anything and everything you desire in it and you will never run out of space. You can imagine and daydream all you want and have as many mental models of things you desire in it. Call it your imaginary world if you like. I like to call it my creative world where I use my imagination to the fullest.
The physical world is just that, physical. It doesn’t think or move except when moved by you or someone else or the wind, otherwise in the physical world things stay put till someone else moves them. Clothes in a wardrobe will not move and go on you because they see you are naked. You actually have to think about the look you want for the day and decide to get dressed and then move your hands to get a piece of clothing and put it on. You don’t need permission from anyone to accomplish this. You just do it. This is the same power that you possess to move things in order to succeed.
Because we live and work in the physical world, your world co-exists with the physical world. There is something to keep in mind about the relationship between your world and the physical world, it is this – Things will not be there for you in the physical world unless you can first create them in your own world AND THEN hold them there. Most people don’t have a problem of creating what they want in their world. The problem is in holding the things there ready for transferring into the physical world. This is the step that defines failure – not lack of hard work.
Having decided what it is you want or wish to do, the next action is to decide that it is complete in your world. This means the creation is complete and alive in your world and it is time take action and download it into the physical world, this then completely completes the cycle. Why is it like this? It is because as individuals we live in our universe that creates the models of what we want, but we also live in the physical universe. So a cycle is really complete when models transition and finally exists in the physical world. This is the definition for success in anything. This is the way you can have stuff AND KEEP IT in your life.
Your success depends on your ability to create mental models of what you want in your world first and then deciding that these things are complete in your world. This can be anything, a job you want to tackle, a relationship you want to have, a car you want to buy. I think it is easy for anyone to understand this process, but the step of deciding that those mental models from your world are complete before trying to move them into the physical world is the one that is missing. I will soon explain why this step is crucial.
Most of us put stuff in our universe willy nilly without putting much thought in it. The second problem is being able to keep those things in our world and so it is hard to have or keep them in the physical world. An example of this scenario is this. A person desires to have a certain car. They have not thought much about it, money was available and so they go and buy this new car. And because they have not created and held a mental model of it in their world first and decided that having the car is the complete cycle, they have broken a natural law. They have moved stuff in the physical world that they do not have in their world. So what happens? Within a short time the car will be a wreck. Why is this? The physical world is influenced by your world and so you will not be able to keep anything in the physical world that has not been decided upon and kept in your world first.
When you want to create something, you have got to do it in your world first then move it into the physical world to enjoy. If you don’t create it in your world first then you have nothing to move into the physical world and so you will not be able to have anything although temporarily you may possess some things in the physical world.
Your world is limitless and you can put anything you want in it. When the positive thinker teachers teach about creating a vision, that is what they are talking about only they miss a little but very crucial step in their teaching. This is what I am giving you right here. Creating mental models of what you want and holding them up in your world is where your success potential lies. You can create anything and see it in your mind’s eye, This is your world. The power of imagination. It’s a place you exist in infinity. It is not a space that is in your head but it exists as a vast universe and you can use your mind and thoughts to put things in it.
The big secret is that you have to be able to hold those mental models in your world and through a little step transfer them into the physical world. This is the process for success. This is the unique unknown secret to success. Almost anyone can create things in their world but not many are aware that they have to be held there and then moved from there into the physical world. That is the step missing in a lot of teachings if not all teachings.
A person is as successful as he is able to create in his own world first. Inventions only existed in someone’s world first at some point, so it is true that you can move your mental model into the physical world for your own use and enjoyment or for another’s use and enjoyment.
Here is the real secret… to shift anything into the physical world, it has to truly exist first in your world. When you are planning or seeing the vision of your model, it is just a plan or idea. At that point you can even doubt it’s true existence.
You have to make it vibrate, kind of breathe life into it…
It’s that little step but VERY CRUCIAL. If you miss this step your mental model will never see the light of day in the physical universe. Your model has to truly exist to whatever complete stage you want it be before you can move it into the physical world. You have to be able to feel it vibrating. Matter vibrates even though we can’t see the vibration with our eyes.
The way to do this is, decide on what you desire. Go over it with different ways and angles it can be till you have worked out the exact way you want it be. Having done that, decide that, that it is complete. (very important, this is the only way you will have what you want)Predetermine that what you have put there in your world is now complete. Now you can take inspired action to bring it into manifestation in the physical universe.
You have to decide in advance before you transfer it to the physical universe that it is complete. Make that decision. This step brings your model to life. It begins to vibrate within your body, ready to be moved or created into being physical. Before this step your model is just a thought, a picture and lifeless, completely removed from your body and physical world and it can easily fade away into the abyss, it cannot be moved because it doesn’t exist. Any action you take to try to move it will run into problems or things that stop you from taking any action because there is nothing there to move. You will try to force issues. Forcing issues or too much effort is an indication of trying to move something that does not exist in one’s mind or another’s. It doesn’t work because there is nothing to move, Force is a result of trying to create something that has not been activated into life. Force means the model does not really exist. It’s just a plan, just another vision. It has to change form from being a plan, picture, a model to a real vibrating thing in your body.
All that is needed to do this is to use your vibration to make it vibrate and this is done by making a conscious decision that it is complete. We are vibration and we create through vibration. So when you decide that your model is complete you are declaring that it lives and so this brings your idea to life. It starts to vibrate within you and so it is. It comes alive. In that process of confirming that it’s complete, you sent your vibration to activate it into existence. You then wear the vibration of your model. Ever heard of people saying that you must think of what you want as though it has already happened? This is what they mean. It is difficult for most to understand it because just saying it that way excludes the explanation of the step for the predetermined completeness of the mental model.
When you look at your mental model after this step, it will feel different. You will see that it is alive and you are now able to strongly hold up the creation in your world. If it’s a house you will see the lights come on, all the different rooms, with you living in it. If you don’t predetermine that it is complete, it never comes to life. You have that power in that step to change things. This is the power you hold within you to create what you want. The decision that your mental model is complete before you start taking action to work on it. Before you act on anything, see it in all it’s glory and then decide that it is complete. Before this step all your creations are kind of flimsy.
Feel it vibrate through you. Slowly things and people and ideas will come to you for the steps to bring down your complete project into the physical world. The taking of the action is the transferring part of the project. This is the hard work part. It’s the easiest though. When taking action is hard, it means you are working on nothing created, you will come across many obstacles. You will plan on something and have many things come in your way and at the end of the day not do what you planned to do and have a lot of excuses to explain why it didn’t happen. But the truth is, you never really created the action or model and predetermined that it was complete.
Have you ever had that situation where you planned to have something happen and no matter how hard the situation became, you managed to do what you planned to do? This is the situation when you have done things right. Whatever you create and predetermine it’s complete in your world, always happens in the physical world when you take inspired action.
A person is as successful as he is able to create and hold up his creations in his own universe first.
If you ever have trouble getting a job completed, then make a mental model of it to the final end result and decide that it’s complete. Any obstacles that you had on the completion of the job will disappear. Practice putting things you want in your world like this until you feel comfortable creating and holding up your models in your world .
When a person makes a predetermined decision that something is complete within his own universe, it will always come about. When it does’t come about within the physical world or within another person’s world, there are three reasons why it has not happened:
1. You did not really make the step of predetermining that it is complete in your world.
2. You concentrated on someone else’s creations in their world.
3. You have a problem within your own mind, like past failure which bring fear against your ability to see or predetermine completion of creations in your universe. Be aware of picking up other people’s thoughts or ideas and going along with them. These are creations which they have decided upon within their own world. This can only produce results for you if you go into this agreement and you also consciously recreate it/ put it in your universe and decide on a definite outcome/breathe life into it as described above. If you don’t do it this way, focusing on another’s creations in their universe is going off track and a waste of time.
So there are three steps to success
Imagine or create your project, action or job in your world, that is, make a mental model of it.
Decide that it’s now complete, This step brings your project to life and ready to be transferred to the physical world. You really have to make a conscious decision that the project is complete. Whatever you declare complete at whatever stage you want, that is what you will definitely have in the physical universe. It is therefore important to see the model in your world in it’s truly complete stage. And it is equally important to make a mental decision that it is complete.
Take inspired action towards achieving your goal. This is the process of transferring your model into the physical world.
Transferring the model will involve other people’s worlds and so you will need to know how to properly communicate with other people so that they can get what it is you need help with.
If you don’t create any model in your world you will have nothing to download into the physical world no matter how hard you work. This is also why when you work for other people it is always about those other people. They control you and your world. This is why most people do not succeed. They start by just trying to acquire things that just come to mind when those things don’t really exist anywhere in their world. The physical world is patterned from your world or another’s world and so when there is nothing in your world there is nothing to move into the physical world. Whatever you try to create will not hold. If you have difficulty completing any task, create it in your world first, decide it is complete, then go to work, you will be amazed with how much you will accomplish.
I have decided to concentrate on relationships on this website because relationships are the biggest challenge in our lives. Relationships are a challenge because they are about creating in individual worlds, coordinating the mental models of each and then discussing and getting to the complete mental model together making it into a single model shared by both, then both deciding that it is complete and then acting together to bring it into being. The two shall become one, you get the idea? I’m sure you do. This is the most challenging task of all for the human beings and no one has told couples about this.
The rest of the other stuff one can work and create a mental image on their own and work with it. In matters concerning a relationship this is not possible. Coordination and agreement is key for the survival of a relationship. This is why communication and running different ideas till a proper conclusion is reached is key. Most relationships fail because they have NEVER been created by the couple to begin with.
A recap – the magical success formula :-
First, there is a thought about what you want and then creating a model of it in your world.
Second, There must always be a predetermined decision that it is complete.
Then finally shift it into the physical world. Action is shifting what you have in your universe into the physical universe. In many cases people don’t put any thought into what they want to do let alone predetermine that it’s complete, then holding the complete model up in their mind as they work at it; therefore, they are thinking and acting incorrectly. When there is no predetermined end result in your world, your thoughts will float in time and the action to bring it into being will never get performed or any attempts to work at it will meet obstacles. In other words, if there is no predetermined decision of completion, consequently, the cycle of action never takes place. The person fails.
The true concept of a relationship is that the two become one and in doing so they create a team of one. If you watch the rise and or fall of relationships this is a crucial step in experiencing the true concept of love in a relationship. If couples don’t reach this stage and there are so many variants that can cause this to happen or not, it is like a fork in the road one leads to happiness invoking conjugal love and evolving the couple and the other to decay and the dissolution of the relationship.
It is at this point where the values become apparent, the couple that works as a team develop as individuals and also as a couple this is where that collective thinking comes in, not as separate but it is the combining of essences and values of the individuals. Couples or groups can develop this collective thinking, a coming together. This would relate more to folks that do not go to church or have faith.
As for folks that have faith, it becomes a trinity between the couple and God, so there is a little difference but the key is that folks are moving from the position of being single to becoming a couple then to becoming a super couple and that is the development of the concept of conjugal love, the trinity is love, understanding and wisdom born of the connections that are being made.
The hardest thing for couples these days is when they couple up, to a degree they have to leave some of their inner insecurities at the door of that connection, if they don’t they tend to take their learned behaviors into the relationship. That can be a limiting factor and the sad thing is that people don’t even realize that they are doing exactly that.
For young folks it is about being at each stage of the journey of life, As we move forward we leave certain things behind as new things appear. I am reminded of the little ones where they go through that phase when girls think boys are silly, smelly things and boys think that girls are so silly and you would not want anything to do with them lol. That changes as we know, as we get to our teenage years lol!
We are hard wired to make those connections. The trouble is that the way society has evolved and the thing that many struggle with, is the internet in all of its glory or lack of it. I have been talking to this guy yesterday who is involved with a youth out reach program, looking at high school age kids and the impact that the internet is having on relationships. The ready access to porn from both the boys and girls perspective, the spread of std’s and drug and alcohol use and abuse, kids are being exposed to things that a generation ago were not even on the radar.
Even in little communities it is a big deal, one that largely goes unnoticed. Folks are starting the relationship journey from a real muddled up position and so how do folks arrive at the door of conjugal love? What are the positive gains to be made? Why do we need to head in that direction… and the biggie – how on earth do we go about doing that?
The process for the couple is an unfolding one. There is a process as we have agreed but then things happen that tip the balance. Something quite innocent becomes something different and takes on an energy, each comes from their experiences and conflict and mistrust evolves and so the seeds of doubt are sown. For most couples that is the start of a downward slide. This is how the relationship starts to change, usually right at the onset of the relationship but the couple is too caught up in the initial excitement of their relationship to take any notice and the relationship subtly continues to pile up negative incidences. Yet, if you look at it from a connective point of view then it is an opportunity to evolve into conjugal love which is an ongoing process.
The ideal, for many, will not be achieved. Every couple faces problems, it is how these problems or hickups are resolved that will make the difference. For many – they have no tools to handle this and so the problems are not addressed at all and so they slide away. It is that simple and just a continuation of what was before.
I see this all the time, I am continually amazed by the amount of folks that are breaking up. It is almost to tidal wave proportions, it is amazing. Without that journey based on developing that love which is based on giving and receiving in equal proportion then the road becomes harder. The key, it turns out, is to focus on understanding.
What usually happens in society is that something is not right or something has gone wrong – ‘right on chaps we have to find someone or thing to blame’ – the consummate blame game, it is played out every day. The subject is so massive. How on earth are we equipped to even tackle the mountain? This is beyond many, it would be like trying to climb mount Everest with a nice little summer shirt, shorts and sandals on.
Far out just a few thoughts there. This is a starting point folks, for more information go to the paid membership. Wow, this is so massive, a couple alone in their natural love will not manage. This is the reason for the creation of this website.
We hope that we haven’t put too much information your way and made you feel overwhelm but such is the nature of relationships. They can be overwhelming and there arises a need to seek help to make things go right. This website serves that purpose. Subscribe to our membership and we will help you to sail through.
You will get to know how to build a truly blissful relationship, you will know how to go around all those challenging issues, mostly caused by thoughts. In short, you will learn to create a blissful life for yourself and have fun doing it.
Even though we all go into relationships, half of the time we have to learn what to do through trial and error and mostly never getting to the truth about what to do be it within the intimacy of it or the day to day communication.
Most problems are addressed when things have already started souring in a relationship. We say, why not put it right, right from the beginning? This is what this site is about – knowing how to put it right in relationships, right from the beginning.
If you want to have a glimpse of the uniqueness of information found on this website read this post. Why is she irrational? the answer will surprise you.
You will meet men and women on the same path as you. Looking to create blissful relationships.
Men truly, unreservedly, answer questions about how they feel in relationships and what goes on with then during courtship and everything else. This is an area that confuses most women. It is no surprise to hear women voicing that, “He doesn’t say much.” You will never have to go with guesswork ever.
Women also answer questions about issues that bother men in relationships so that men have an understanding of that complicated woman.
This is a site that will help you to avoid so many heartaches.
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Thank you for your visit. This is likely to be a day you will look back on and you will be grateful that you visited this site. We make a difference in people’s lives and we know we will make a difference in yours.
Where is the journey going to take you?… wonderful places! Rise up and celebrate and rest in the love of all that is good and all that we hold close. Do not be a lodger in your relationship, your mind or in your relationship with you. Find a place that you call home in all these things.
This universe that we live in holds many puzzles for us all, we stand at the cusp of our purpose, we spin through our time, challenged to shine like the stars in the skies, shine love to all that are in need, shine a light into the wilderness, bringing the vision of love to all that need love, for those that are challenged, for all those that are lonely, the down trodden, the poor in money and soul, love and the realization of their true purpose, bring that universal love, let it make its face to shine on all that need to be loved.
Did we dream it or are we too floating on that shapeless faceless ocean driven across the ages in search of the love that was always there always waiting to be seen, seen shinning across all time, that feeling of the home coming, coming back to the bosom of the core of essence and the essence of eternity . Safe in the knowledge that you have transcended all the knowledge and it is time to travel home.
Love and peace be with you, may these be your cradle, the solace of your soul that floats on that faceless ocean of love.
Yours always across time and beyond the ages, beyond the ocean of love and pure light.
Your favourite self team
Due to modernization we have lost the ability to go out and meet and play and develop natural relationships. It has become a world of each to their own. Whilst modernization has destroyed our ability to naturally associate, we are grateful for it’s existence because if it were not for technology, this website playground with the ability to play with people from all over the earth would not be possible. We have managed to unite people from all walks of life throughout the world.
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Relationships will be formed here and who knows some will meet their husband or wife in and around these playgrounds. This is a space to celebrate love, both for the self, for a partner or for just the joy that we are humans capable of loving one another.
What is the truth? This is a massive question. What is the truth? To the degree that you can truly answer this question concerning relationships, you can determine your happiness in your own relationship and accordingly in your life as well as your children’s life. Everything hinges on being able to answer this question. So knowing what is the truth is actually crucial.
The Christians know this verse, “I am the way the truth and the life”, What is the truth? What is it that we call the truth? The answer may surprise you.
It appears to me that we are born with a degree of numbness. Here is what I mean. A child has to know from experience that when he or she smacks another child that other child cries. When he or she gets smacked by another child he or she cries because it’s painful and so becomes sensitive to pain. The child has learned a truth – when you smack it’s painful. In this the child does not think so much of the hand moving to smack another child but will remember the sensation of pain and now knows what pain is. Before the experience there was no sensitivity to it. This is why I am referring to it as a numbness. What relation does it have to the question of what is the truth?
Truth is the essence of knowing that remains after an experience. It is different from individual to individual. What you know to be true will always be personal to you . You eat a fruit and it tastes bitter and you get to know that the fruit is bitter. You taste something good and from that moment you know how it tastes.
That ‘how it is’ thing is what we mean by truth. There is an ultimate truth that we are all working towards and that ultimate truth is for each individual to stand up one day and say “I AM” and truly understand who they are. This is the ultimate purpose for each individual. To answer the questions Who am I and why are we here? We are here to walk the way back to who we really are.
There are natural steps that have been put in place for this. A relationship is one of the crucial steps.
Here is something interesting about truth. People sometimes confuse truth with uniformity. That when something is true to them it is true to the same degree in everyone else. This is the lie that most live and this is where most imposition stems from. It comes from thinking that an individual’s truth should be the same as everyone else’s. This also breeds intolerance. When a fruit is bitter, the bitterness is never to the same degree to everyone. That is why one person will tolerate it and say they like the fruit even though it’s bitter and the other will not stand it at all.
People will love each other and we will all use the same word for it, ‘they love each other’ that is true. But the degree of one couple’s love is always different from another’s. That is also true.
However, there is a process about loving each other that is true for everyone and this is the way to the ultimate truth.
We go through different processes that decrease our numbness and we awaken to certain truths. To the degree that we awaken through truths, we awaken to who we are, what we know and what our preferences are till we get to the ultimate truth and there we enjoy all the delights that life brings. That means through truths we slowly awaken to who we really are.
There is another side to this, it is applying those truths in the world that we live in and in ushers the differences between men and women.
The first point of entry to all this is the love of knowing the truth. There is a proper recognized word for it. The word for ‘the love of knowing the truth’ ; That word is called “curiosity”. Curiosity is the urge to go out and discover the truth. Curiosity is the process of ‘the love of knowing the truth.
Boys and men are more into this discovering of the truth. They tear things apart and go out on daring adventures much more than girls do. Boys and men are naturally driven by that love of truth. They look at a car and they want to know how it works, how practical it is, is it worth it?? In the same scenario what do girls or women do?
They love to have a beautiful car and drive it. Not out of the love of it’s engine or it’s practical details like men do but just from the joy of driving the car. Men will experience the joy of owning and driving the car from a practical point of view. For the woman the details of how it’s made and it’s power and all that stuff rarely comes into focus, all she wants is a car to drive. She has the love for a car to drive. It’s an emotional decision.
So from his curiosity and practicality, a man goes out and makes things that the world at large uses. His truth creates for the world and thus the man is the provider. She falls in love with what he creates, in other words she falls inlove with his truth. In other words, she loves the man’s practicality to provide. Even if she buys the car with her own money, basically men made the car and in that sense men are providers. This is a fundamental truth in relationships. So besides being attracted to a man at the onset, the woman then falls inlove with the man’s practice of what he knows, his truth, his wisdom.
But for this to be true in the true sense, she needs to trust that he is the one that carries the practical truth. Only through this understanding can she help him to become wiser within the relationship and he is then able to carry his responsibilities well as being the protector and the provider. Not the provider as in earning a lot of money but a provider in coming to wise decisions around the family and the world at large. Truth and practicality are one and the same thing. Those that know less will be less practical.
Women love to enjoy what the man brings. He gives, she receives. These are the true dynamics of a relationship. Getting this truth wrong is the reason for all the mess we see in relationships. He is practical and she loves his practicality. He gives she receives. A man repairs or makes things for the woman e. g. no woman goes under the sink to repair a leak. When a man can do such things for his wife, she loves him to no ends. When he knows how to properly give her his seed, she loves him to no end.
This is an equation that has been tipped and is totally misunderstood in today’s world. This is not about THOSE rights. This is about an equation in nature that NO ONE can choose to change willy nilly unless they want to be unhappy all their life and consequently making their offspring unhappy.
What is the truth? The truth is the knowing of ‘what is’… and then from that truth, through being practical, using what we know to create things. So the truth is the essence from where we create and finally discover the ultimate truth.
Men create more and women create using what men create. Lol! This is a funny one that most women will not want to hear.
Well, men build cars and women drive them to their friend’s baby shower! Men make women pregnant and women love and nurture the babies to build the backbone of society. These are clearly defined roles no matter how we want to look at it. The man facilitates and the woman makes use of what is provided. This is what is the truth of where it all begins in relationships and this builds to the top most truth finally. Relationships properly done lead to a final truth which is supercharged love. A delightful love that makes us wise beyond anything we have ever known .
The rest of the stuff surrounding this concept is discussed in the forum.
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There can exist a love so rare between a man and a woman. A love that is true, supercharged, lasting and ever increasing. This website’s theme is about how to look for that love, to get to know and experience that true, lasting and ever increasing, pure, supercharged love. It is a journey that starts from the most basic basic.
I have failed many times in relationships. When we fail we wake up to the idea of questioning and observing things, of wanting to learn about thriving. I started wondering what there is really to relationships, and to love. I searched and read many articles and sacred texts and found a mention of this unusual love but I could barely understand it. Not until I experienced it.
Because this love is so rare, couples start on the journey to find it but they stop short somewhere along the way because there are no instructions on how to look for it. This is the highest form of love, the one that gives birth to all other loves. When a man and a woman come together in a relationship, they initially experience the other forms of love and unfortunately stall before they get to know this highest, supercharged form of love. We all instinctively look for this love but we get lost because we don’t know how to look for and find it. Sometimes we mistakenly think we have found it only to be disillusioned.
Men and women are different. We all know that. We all can see that physically. This is also true in terms of what their purpose as a gender is. The woman has the ability to receive the seed and nurture pregnancy. She carries the basic instinct of nurturing that has to be activated in a relationship.
The man has inbuilt natural strength. He is the protector and the facilitator. No woman can make herself pregnant. The man’s role in this is to facilitate and protect hence he is gifted with more physical strength and the ability to get wise in his role. No matter how liberated we get, certain things in nature will always be. Pregnancy will always be a woman’s role. The seed of wisdom and protection is carried by the man. He can’t be gifted with the role of protectiveness and not be gifted with the wisdom of how to do it.
A man, in his facilitator role requires wisdom. A woman in her nurturing role requires love. The roles that a man and a woman fulfill when they come together is to fully activate and fulfill their respective rolls. If and when they do it right, in the long run, when they are in mutual, reciprocal union they become one in their vibration. This composite oneness in vibration is purified into the supercharged love and within that they come full circle in their roles – an exquisite and delightful place to be.
What is this supercharged love?
Supercharged love is an essence. Here is something to help you understand this concept. Everything has an essence. Essence is the inherent nature of something that determines it’s character. For example, the human being has the essence of being human. A dog has the essence of being a dog. Even a stone has the essence of being a stone. A tree has an essence of being a tree, a bird… everything has it’s specific essence. Supercharged love is an essence in it’s own right. It exists and bonds to those that genuinely look for it.
There is ONLY one thing that has the ability to totally fulfill a human being. It is the essence of delight. That feeling of being, of pleasure, happiness and joy all rolled into one. This is the character of the essence of this love and a special one at that. It is the essence above every other essence. It is the all consuming vibration of the soul, this is supercharged love. It is a level of pure pleasurableness without excitation from lust. It comes about in any relationship from the mutual synchronicity and reciprocation of the two partners.
The supercharged love is an essence that permeates our human essence when our relationship with our partner rises in vibration to a oneness. Oneness is rising high enough to cohesion. When we harbor a pure mind towards our relationship we rise till we become one with purity and we feel the delights that come with this and this becomes supercharged love.
The True supercharged lasting love concept.
Most people are unaware of the existence of a love so true, supercharged and everlasting. It comes about from a combination of things that most never think of putting together. It is the fact of our natural form or essence of existence.
Every human needs to grow in order to get to happiness. This growth in it’s final stage is the supercharged true and lasting love.
The woman expresses more of her human essence through her feelings and the man more of his essence through practical wisdom. Our desire is and has always been to be happy. That happiness is truly attained through combining her true nurturing essence to his practical wisdom. She exhibits the nurturing side of our essence whilst he ensures the essence’s, continued existence through practical wisdom.
If she holds her nurturing without the means to fully understand her essence she remains stagnant and unhappy. Her means of understanding her essence is through the man. If a man has an inkling to his wisdom but does not have the expression of that understanding he is lost and therefore unhappy. His means to this full expression is through a woman. The reciprocal communication of these two roles in a loving relationship gives birth to an exquisite supercharged delight wherein we can know who we are. This is the true, supercharged and lasting love. Most couples never get to this point. They give up well before they realize what this supercharged love is and that is equal to giving up on the self.
This is the principle theme on this website. We show the way to where and how to begin in finding this supercharged love which is equally about the ultimately finding of the self. This is about the unveiling of the real YOU.
This is a very easy thing or state to attain. The steps on how to look for this love are what we discuss in the forum.
Spot the true love test, it’s much much more than meets the eye.
Most men find women complex. They think women are irrational and this is a major, major cause of relationship break ups. Actually, unbeknownst to most, this is where the majority of relationship break ups begin.
I have come to know that there is a reason for that seeming irrationality and that there is something that men can do about it . It is actually part of the process of choosing a partner and a great gift to help to create a nurturing space for both the couple and their offspring. This is the true love test.
When a couple sees the change through the correct sequence of their relationship unfolding, it does something to them. It changes them in a priceless way that I haven’t found how to put into words. I am going to explain it using a real dialogue between a couple who found a solution to this challenge.
How did he feel about her change? She wanted to know because she felt it was important. She thought her change revealed a profound and hidden mystery to what people think is a problem, regarding how irrational women seem to be. She was right – as I later discovered! She was watching it all through her relationship’s unfolding and wanted to see and know if he felt it too.
His response did not disappoint and here is the unfolding mystery for you to behold too. It will become a most important factor in your ability to thrive in a relationship.
For years I have often wondered why the Bible teaches that “husbands love your wives.” It struck me as odd. I thought it was a contradiction. Women are always on about love much more than men and that made me think the suggestion should be “Women love your husbands” because naturally women are about love. So why did the Bible put it the other way around? I guess this is what is called thinking outside the box. God does think outside the box for sure.
In our human world, women are always advised to love their husbands in the exact same way the bible advises husbands to do instead. Time for some observation. My mother and aunties taught me that it is my responsibility to love a husband and children. I also know that most people in the world have this view. Who is right? My mum or The Almighty? Hierarchy says the answer is, The Almighty.” But we always have niggling doubts till we have concrete evidence is it not?
And so the Bible says husbands love your wives and wives respect your husbands. A really tough one in most relationships as we never really have proper instructions on how to achieve this and must learn on the job as it were. We actually never work it out even then.
What is the purpose of a woman’s seeming irrationality? It seems so common, almost experienced by every woman, we all hear the comment, “women are irrational”. We can also come to the conclusion that it comes as a natural part of a woman, because if it weren’t we wouldn’t have it so common. That means there is a reason why Nature put it in place. I am sure that all relationships will tremendously benefit from a true understanding of the ‘why’ and so I beg you, please do pay attention.
I am going to add the full Bible instruction to men here so we all have a true concept of what it says. I do realize that I have used the Bible and I am aware that some of you may not like the idea of being instructed from a bible because your belief system is different. On a more subtle level this is really not about the Bible because as you shall see, this will correspond with what happens with humanity in general regardless of religious beliefs. It even happens to the birds. Therefore even though I am using the Bible I am inclined to think that this is about a universal law of relationships. Take this tip and watch your own relationship soar.
Here is what the bible teaches:-
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
A woman describes her wrestle with the seeming unreasonableness that goes on in her and how, as a couple, their eyes were opened to the mystery. Note that Ephesians 32 above says “This is a profound mystery”. So bear this in mind as you read on. Let us unravel this mystery…
Here is what she says:-
It has always been a conflict in my mind and I have always wondered why it has been so difficult to just love a man. I know I love him but I wrestle with so many questions, evaluations and ideas that come to mind and always seem stronger than just loving him in a simple straightforward way. He wants me to stop being irrational! What is rationally loving him? Is it to have one focused thought directed at him?
Ask any man and he will tell you how hard it is to keep up with what goes on in a woman’s mind, but to her, and in her mind everything follows a certain logic. It is just that it is so hard, such a challenge, to simply love a man without those many other thoughts occurring at the same time. Irrational?
What we call irrationality is just a fact of creation for a reason. What is the reason?
Unraveling it is the hard part for humanity. Instead, a woman’s seeming irrationality is ridiculed and handled by trying to suppress it by both men and women. That suppression is an attempt that shuts down the priceless gift of a woman’s true love for her husband and children! Has anyone ever watched the movie, ‘the taming of the shrew?
“We have just unraveled that gift Sweets,” the lady excitedly tells her husband!
Here is a glimpse of how nature teaches this concept as demonstrated by a bird of prey:
How a bald eagle chooses a mate for life.
The actions of the female bald eagle may seem irrational to an observer.
“HOW THE FEMALE EAGLE CHOOSES HER MATE
(As told by the Wintu Tribal Elders of California)
When it comes time for the female Eagle to choose her mate, she prepares herself for many suitors. And many come before her. She looks them over quite well and then picks one to fly with for awhile.
If she likes the way he flies she finds a small stick, picks it up and flies high with it. At some point she will drop the stick to see if the male can catch it. If he does, then she finds a larger stick and flies with it much higher this time. Each time the male catches the sticks, she continues to pick up larger and larger sticks. When she finds the largest, heaviest stick that she herself can carry, the stick is at this point almost the size of a small log! But she can still fly very high with this large stick.
At any time in this process, if the male fails to catch the stick, she flies away from him as her signal that the test is now over. She begins her search all over again. And when she again finds a male she is interested in, she starts testing him in the exact same way. And she will continue this “testing” until she finds the male Eagle who can catch all the sticks. And when she does, she chooses him, and will mate with him for life.
One of the reasons for this test is that at some point they will build a nest together high up and will then have their eaglets. When the babies begin to learn to fly, they sometimes fall instead. It is then that the male must catch his young. And he does!” (this article was obtained from www.snowwowl.com)
The true love test
Like the eagle that must drop a twig over and over and over again, a couple’s gift to start on the right foot is through her seeming irrationality as will be evidenced by the story of the couple below.
Here is what she writes to her husband and here too you will find his response…
(The wife to the husband) Hi Sexy Sweets! xo xo
“I guess the man’s love must conquer and he will have a different or rather a new woman who really loves and adores him. Your very unassuming and patient loving ways tamed my womanly irrational side. This is what I have observed.”
(The husband to the wife) Hey delectable Bunny xo xo!
True, that is what has happened and it will take some time to work through it all, a very complex thing indeed. It happens on so many different levels, all at the same time. It is physical, sexual and spiritual all rolled into one. This is massive really, I think. Divulging The Secret, is only one part of it, a sort of one sided sexual part when in fact it is a two sided coin. Many men do not understand male sexuality let alone female sexuality. Many females do not understand their own sexuality let alone male sexuality.
When two partners connect on that level of giving and sharing energies then a bond and connection is created that leads each to grow, it is one aspect of the connection. Leading on from here there is a connection on a spiritual level where two become one. There is such a long lead in the process for this to occur, many do not get out of the first gear before they stall the car :)))))))))))))))))))))) then this leads to them separating.
When one partner understands the wisdom, they can lead the other. In your irrational moments you pushed but I did not take the bait, even when you pushed very hard, I still did not respond in that way. I am loving my wife, I understand your irrationality. In this mode you are pushing to find a partner that will be patient, give you love, protect you and create a nest with which you can feel comfortable and safe. The woman looks to the man to provide these qualities, in doing so she must push hard, sometimes for no apparent reason, like the eagle who must find a twig, only to drop it for the male eagle to catch, again and again.
She does not even understand it herself most of the time. She often wonders why she loses it most of the time. But it is just a gift from nature. Yes, I know that most people will not see it this way but her seeming irrationality is a priceless gift from nature to help us to attain an exquisite loving space within our relationship.
A woman has a real sequence of flow of thought that will make her irrationality understandable if she were to explain exactly her trend of thought at the time she is being called irrational. When a man is patient or encourages real dialogue, the conditions of trust are met and the woman will trust him with her emotions. Her love for him begins to unfold. She will also desire for that man to impregnate her. It is a dance where two souls come together to create that future state of true connection. The dance starts with the female’s seeming unreasonableness or irrationality.
He must exercise patience as he must learn to be patient with the children. A man’s voice and strength are great and his physical power greater and he needs to tame them when it comes to his wife and children, so that he can create and lead a family and a warm home. The woman’s seeming irrationality which truly is not, is what nature put in place as training for him. He must look at his wife’s irrationality with amusement and fondness. The same Bible instructs that fathers must not raise their children to anger… This is the training – right before any children appear on the scene.
In King James’ version, Ephesians 6:4
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
A man can only do this through cultivating patience well before the children arrive on the scene. The woman inherently holds the code of wisdom of carnate love and passes it to her partner as she tries him with all her seeming irrationality, she begins to respect him in time from his show of patience. The whole idea of her irrationality is to help him to learn to nurture as this is not prepacked within him, and yet this is a requirement for him as a father. She already has this side within her as she must nurture the pregnancy, the relationship as well as the children but this will only happen when he shows patience in his love for her. This is the reason why the bible has it as the commandment to him and not her. A slight disturbance to this balance in marriage and the children get it too. It is so precise.
Even though she is naturally nurturing this aspect of her must be unlocked through the man’s love and patience. And so it is extremely important that the man be patient and this leads to his own ability to nurture his wife who will in-turn adore him endlessly. When he is observing her irrationality he is actually looking at his door to her true loving nature. He has to unlock that door.
Their relationship will finally grow and flourish because they finally meet each other’s needs. Almost all couples don’t go past this door and so most men NEVER experience true love from a woman. They judge her seeming irrationality and never find the key to her heart. This means that most relationships NEVER really take off and couples usually just experience the mechanical side to love.
She wants love and he wants respect and the starting point is a look at and gentle handling of her seeming irrationality. This is where all couples should begin. He must lovingly accommodate her irrationality. It is not just all about sex, that is the kindergarten stuff. From here the couple will develop a strong spiritual relationship of which sex plays a part but the melding of their souls is far more potent. As he exercises patience, so does the process of melding occur.
When Christ spoke of his love for the church he was also speaking of the love for the woman from which all creation comes, this is symbolic, he gave up his freedom for the love of the soul connection, just like two partners who come together, give up their individuality to form one bond, first on that carnate level and then on the spiritual level. When we speak of the husband loving his wife it means that the man brings that understanding of his wife’s demeanor, her frailty, we are talking on a very inner level because there are many physically strong women out there. We are talking more on that inner hard wired level.
When wisdom is entered into, it changes everything on many different levels. Folks talk about reincarnation but yet only delve into the very top layers. When wisdom is obtained, one can remember and relate in many different ways and levels simultaneously. It is that saying that we are without thought or creation, knowledge comes with our soul, it is just a matter of remembering. So does a man always be a man or a woman always be a woman with the wisdom and knowledge that become clear and in doing so we can relate on many levels. The key in a relationship is her seeming irrationality.
Therefore, man love your wives and wives respect your husbands as I have loved you without request. l have loved the church without request, in doing so love becomes pure and undemanding yet in doing so it brings clarity of thought and strength.
The Wind and The Rush plant
When confronted with conflict or challenge as the wife becomes irrational, as I have loved you my dearest bunny, that challenge washed over us, it did not impact negatively, like the rush bending in the wind it returns to its natural position. Love as I have loved you and in-turn been loved and respected by you, I returned to that default position. Confrontation wants to break the rush but the rush only bends.
For you Sweets, are the wind that wants to break the rush yet it is not in the nature of the rush to break, it merely mirrors your endeavors and then returns to its natural position. Today we entered a place where you said that I could take you and do what I want with you. That in my patience I have created a warmth in you that will receive me always. In that moment you became the rush and I the wind. When that energy subsides I become the rush and once again you become the wind, each of us plays their part in stabilizing the other. There is nothing happening, at the end of the day we are one at harmonies door.
There will be unsteady days ahead but it is always a case of the wind and the rush. In our sexuality I am the wind and you are the rush. In our day to day life together you are the wind and I am the rush. But I notice that with my patience you have changed to become such an adorable sweet bunny Sweets. Like water you are finding your level; you are finding the ability to express your thoughts well and calmly, which is a far cry from that irrationality.
Irrationality is actually Not Irrationality
I have come to know that your seeming irrationality is actually not irrationality at all. A woman has a wider corpus callosum and that probably accounts for that much information whirling in her mind, but language cannot catch up with how much information is being communicated in thought and so at times one uttered statement represents many different thoughts making no sense to me. Only you understand the thoughts at the time. All I get is disjointed thoughts that do not make much sense to me, and to me it is just being irrational. From letting myself fully communicate with you, with a lot of patience, you have gone back and looked and explained things a bit more and from this I have come to understand how you roll and I love you delectable sweets, with all your irrationality. :))))
We are together, I bring you love, we created love, that purpose has created a union, my love helps you to pass that irrational energy to the void, we are creating something new, a connection of two souls in such a bond of love that a new energy is created almost like giving birth. It is the one beyond the feeling of sexuality, beyond even love, it has its own life and life force which grows on a daily basis. But to relinquish our seeming conflicts, which to me seem to come from your seeming irrationality I must always cultivate patience and gently love you through it all and in this I create a special place for me in you, to be received by you in the way I desire you and you accept my advances cooing like a dove. Darling, I love you.
In the beginning, I sat and waited, still you pushed, I let you lay in your angst and irrationality, then drew you back into the love that was always there and in doing so the husband that I am was loving his wife, giving her nourishment and nurturing, in doing so your desire to be impregnated by your husband was ignited and that means in my patience and unconditional giving, your subconscious, designed by nature, then knew and accepted me as your true partner. And as I have said before, we entered a place you said that I could take you and do what I wanted with you. In that moment you truly surrendered to our love. Thank you darling.
If folks understood this process, there would be so many new beginnings, relationship failure would be obsolete :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
This is a bit heavy I know, I am not really aware of what I am writing about baby, I am just writing, you probably think I have gone completely kookoo. My love for you will always be as it always was, my love is and will always be for all things.
I Am Become Anew!
The most rewarding gift of all in this is that my patience with you has created a new man within me…
Part of my manly urges is to take you and make you mine, to make you yield and surrender to me, to create in you a need that I can fill and sustain and part of me just wants to protect and nurture you so we can both grow together, just to hold you in that loving embrace.
I have awoken a dormant side in you, even that will be hard to get too good with. Love is such a strange creature baby. I just feel such a deep love for you honey, my desire is to feed and nurture that love, to cradle you and wrap you in its loving care. I realize that this may still be so new to you babes and that you have so much to work through on many levels, the end will be worth it baby, love you my sweet angel. xxx
The whole thing is exciting, seeing and experiencing the new you is just so fulfilling. I wake up thinking about you baby, I have this warm glow in my heart, just feel much love for you honey, just want to reach out and hold you in a warm embrace and tenderly kiss your lips, whispering that I love you in your ear with my most sexy voice that I can master, that you have repeatedly told me you like. :)))))))))))))))))))))))
Love you baby.”
To All Men of the World…
Tell any woman that she is irrational and she will fight you tooth and nail to prove that she is not irrational and in that explanation to try to prove she is not irrational you will witness much much more irrationality and you will be confused senseless! But if, like the male bald eagle, you just catch the twigs, by fully letting her communicate to you about whatever is going on with her, without judgement, you will help her to see. Because there is so much going on in her mind at the same time, biologically, this is not her fault, me thinks, in time she will learn to observe and streamline and separate issues.
With time and patience she learns to get a handle of the many ideas going on in there and with much more practice she will learn to fully express her needs in the straightforward way that you will understand. She will in-turn get to the core of her true nurturing beingness and a torrent of love and respect will flow to you, all you will need to do is scoop it up and enjoy. The thrill of watching her grow through your patience is priceless! This is the correct way to love your wife or girlfriend. This is the true love test.
For those who wish to have a continuation of the trend of thought expressed here and much more, if you wish to have an exquisite relationship such as this one, please subscribe and get information that will help you to create a lifetime of joy. There is a way, all mapped out for you. Give yourself and your better half a gift that will change your relationship forever – subscribe to the exquisite relationship club membership. It’s only $5.95 a month. Please click on the PayPal button below to subscribe.
Another Question – Would you like to have a supercharged, healthy and happy Relationship?
It all begins with communication but I will tell you what, no one has ever taught us how to communicate with the opposite gender. Men and women are worlds apart when it comes to really communicating with each other. Most relationships do not even have to break up if the couples know the differences in communication between men and women.
Things left unsaid create persistent problems in a relationship. This site is all about building healthy relationships in a most unique way, using a signature magical success formula to communicate to your other half and feeling heard.
Hello and welcome…
I believe we all deserve to have a happy, healthy and fulfilling relationship. It is our birthright but us humans got lost somewhere along the path and we now witness a lot of unhappy relationships. This is also a very closed kind of area of our life such that most of the time it is kind of a private struggle. It can be so hard with no one to turn to. A relationship crisis is such a private thing.
This website is about anyone who is contemplating on having a relationship and wants tips to understand how to have a happy and healthy relationship or couples that are starting out and looking for the true way of going about having a healthy and happy relationship, or those who are working to enrich their relationship or couples that are not in such a good situation and want to know how they can take steps to get back on track.
Sometimes we don’t even realize that communication starts with ourselves first before we can communicate with another. How do you communicate with yourself? Do you know how to communicate with yourself?
This is a special place that inspires many that aspire to achieve unadulterated loving in their relationship. People who want to put it right to have a happy relationship and happy home. This is the space where most will be happy to have spent their time on. Greetings to you! It is my pleasure to provide a space to discover true loving, to provide the learning experience of that which most go into from a trial and error space. We are always learning new stuff and that is a fact. I know you agree with me on this one. Let this space inspire you to greater loving heights. There is loads of unique stuff around here to learn about loving another person.
It is never a good idea to go and discuss about your other half with other people but what other choice is there when things are going wrong in our relationships? Yet half of the time those we talk to do not offer helpful solutions and they go on elsewhere to gossip about our relationship.
Here is a safe haven for you to build or rebuild your relationship and enjoy the delights that come with a truly healthy and happy relationship.
Do not let me start on this one and no this is not a preacher’s sermon it’s a visionary’s viewpoint and one that will be totally different from the preacher’s. God and the Power of Man. In this post is an illustration of where man gets his true power
I always prayed to Jesus as preached by most. One day my 6 month old son was ill and I was desperate. I just wanted him to stop feeling the pain. As I lay in bed holding him I prayed to the sacred heart of Jesus, as I had been taught. Jesus replied and said, “put your son on your chest, just above where your heart is and declare and say, “I am love” and feel that love and let it wash over your son.
Sleepily I did as instructed. I fell asleep in the process. When I woke up the following morning my son had no trace of ever being unwell the previous night. I marveled at the miracle. I rejoiced! I was so delighted that the search was over! I now knew the solution to all my problems!
My solution; Easy does it! Pray to the sacred heart of Jesus and boom! all goes well.
And then my problem started when I got that picture…
Mum always kept loads of pictures of the sacred heart of Jesus that has the inscription that if you kneel before that picture….. So I wanted one of those pictures. It was not that I just wanted one, I was desperate to have one! So quickly I sent a message to mum to send one to me as quickly as possible. Which she did. I was over the moon!
When I held that picture I experienced a kind of anticlimax.
“Why or why!” I cried out to the wilderness. I walked up and down. I was frustrated. After all that effort and excitement! At some point I closed my eyes and Jesus spoke to me again and he said,
“Remember in the bible, it says,”Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not worship them or serve them….”
“When you look at a picture as you pray, you will see that picture and therefore your prayer is directed to the picture and this is not me. I am only a concept not a picture.”
And then he proceeded to say to me. “actually you don’t need to pray to God through me!”
And that startled me. I went, “Ha?” And he said, “yeah, yeah, yeah you don’t need to. YOU can go direct to God yourself.”
“How?” I asked.
He said remember the passage in the bible that says…”For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” He said, “This is how you tap into the power of God as human. Now you will think, what if I don’t have company to gather in His name does it mean I can’t access the power?”
He said, “everything has been provided for. You shall not want. Every human has a duality and when each brings harmony to their duality, thereis the two and in this God is among those two. In this combination lies the meaning of God and the power of man.” In this combination, miracles happen.
Now imagine two separate individuals who have managed to bring harmony to their duality who gather together in his name! Their power is formidable.
Now there is another side to this, imagine two people in a relationship who have managed to bring harmony to their duality and they come together in the name of God! Their relationship is equally formidable and exquisite.
This is the aim of this website. To have all those combinations. If you are interested join us and let’s create a formidable community.
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What is the difference between a free and a paying member?
A free member has access to two free eBooks. All you do is sign up and when your membership gets approved you go to downloads and you will have access to two books, ‘Healthy Relationship Tips’ and ‘Divulging the Secret.’
These books centre on the relationship between two people. They have very interesting concepts.
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To establish healthy relationship tips, I decided to interview women to find out what they really require in order to trust their other half with their hearts.
Why women? Because the woman is the one who gets pregnant and this is proof that she is the one entrusted with raising the bar of human healthy relationship nurturing tips. An unloved mother cannot build a good base for her husband and children and this in-turn builds a weak civilization and individuals who only see and work from the human experience identity point of view.
Those interviews helped me to finally arrive at the conclusion that women have divulged the Secret to the glue that keeps trust and healthy relationships intact. This favours the ability to keep your favourite self at the forefront for happiness and success. Divulging The Secret helps you to understand the final step that creates the balance in relationships in your adult life.
Here is a review of the book ‘Divulging the Secret’ by one of our readers.
I have now had the opportunity of reading and appraising Divulging The Secret which I found to be a most illuminating book. As I feel that the book is very much one from which couples, even experienced couples, would benefit (and was intrigued to gain a female perspective on the work), I also asked my wife to take a look at your book and her opinions are very much in line with my own.
Now that intimate relations between couples do not hold the stigma they once did so long ago now, there is very much a market for the kind of book you have written and, as it is first class in every respect and has evidently been a long time in the planning, it is, to my mind, precisely the book that will open up the lives of even the most experienced of couples, no matter how long they have been together, and make their lives all together more fulfilling.
I would hazard a guess that the conception, if you will, of the book, began as something of a labour of love but has developed into a comprehensive, clearly structured guide, so to speak, which does indeed divulge the secret to a happy partnership and family life. It seems evident that you have undertaken a great deal of research in order to write the book and that much of this research took place before the idea for the book was ever in your mind; it is a lifetime’s worth of knowledge, in other words, which your potential audience, I am sure, will put to good use.
In some ways, the book can be seen as a modern, more edgy, more practical Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, which, as I am sure you know, was a huge hit and continues to sell well. Yet your work is more in the practical vein, exploring similar themes yet with your own distinct slant, more modern detail suitable for a society that develops quicker and quicker by the day, and, to put it bluntly, a sight less theoretical and a great deal more use.
The meticulous nature you possess, I feel, is reflected in the way in which the work is structured and formatted and, again we see the vital importance of planning. It is usually very clear to me how well planned and how much effort has gone into the paramount stages of creating a book (of any genre) before the author has put pen to paper on the text proper, so to speak, and any time you have spent researching, formatting and re-formatting, drafting and re-drafting has been far from wasted; indeed, it results in a work which is as comprehensive a book as one could wish to read on the subject and leaves your reader with any previously unanswered questions really quite solidly replied to.
Though the book is very practical, evinced too by the illustrative figures which definitely enhance it and explain your words further, it is also very interestingly written, and this is what makes it stand out from being a mere manual; your work has far more to offer than being a mechanical guide. Your tone is soft and educational, illuminating even, and some parts of the work read very much like a narrative. Not only does this provide your book with a definite unique selling point, it also makes it so much more immediate to the reader and allows them to participate, if you will, in the concepts under discussion whilst reading. Also, it simply ensures that it is an interesting read, something which all readers seek, no matter what genre they are searching in.
For these reasons, as well as the quality of the writing in the work, I feel that now is the time to publish it. This is a modern, cutting edge book for the modern world – and a work which is so packed with information and easy to download. It is hard to resist. So, all that said, there is no doubt that this book would be a highly credible one.
Divulging The Secret has several advantages; it is innovative, superbly written and with the sort of content that could well result in it becoming quite a cult book and with it a significant impact on relationships. The contents of which I recommend especially for every adult male to know. A very fine book indeed.
Create a free membership account to get yourself a free copy of ‘Divulging The Secret.’
There is something toward which every human’s life is continuously directed. It is towards knowing where the human power lies because this is where everything else revolves around. The human power lies with the human spirit. Knowing about what is a human spirit is the way to understand where your power lies!
What IS A Human Spirit?
To answer this question more clearly, I am going to consider the relationship between three aspects
The Physical Body
The Spirit Body
and the Spirit Itself
On subtle levels how do these three connect?
Imagine being without the physical body… If we remove the body from the picture, what are we left with? The Answer is – we are left with the human spirit floating on a spirit body. What is a human spirit? This is a strange concept but what I am about to write is nevertheless true.
I know it may be hard for some to picture what it is like to imagine being without a physical body. I am not talking about the lack of a body as in death but rather how the larger basic components of the human unit fit together. I am going to describe and give a picture of how it is and also give you evidence of how what I am going to say is true.
Here is what I know.
If we removed the physical body from the picture of existence, what is left is an essence of the self that is normally called the spirit. This Spirit is borne on a swaying spirit body.
The spirit body looks like mist and has a shape that is somewhat similar to the physical body. The difference is that you don’t see ankles or feet with toes or elbows and hands with fingers on the spirit body. Rather it’s a shape that looks more or less like the shape of the ginger bread man biscuit with curves less defined than the bottom picture.
It moves and sways from the body by getting elongated to the right side of the physical body whilst holding up the essence of the spirit. It is never upright. It always slants slightly to the right. I suppose this mist like body is not really mist but a type of field specifically suited to holding up the spirit, similar to our physical bodies carrying the mind.
To give a clearer analogy, think about the jellyfish
Working together and yet separate:
The jellyfish is held in a swaying body of sea water, of which, part of that sea water is in direct contact with the ground. This jellyfish is not the sea water and neither is the sea water the ground but somehow they work in unison. When they exist separately from this combination, they become totally different in the way they function. Imagine… Is it possible to have the sea without the ground or to have the jellyfish without the sea?
This is how it is with the human spirit. Like the jellyfish help up by sea water, – the spirit remains a separate entity yet it is dependent on the spirit body for movement and yet again it doesn’t move. It sort of perches on the spirit body. Imagine a candle flame, tear or blood drop or water drop swaying in mid air. As the spirit is held up, it flickers like a candle in the wind and yet the movements are those of the spirit body. Imagine a bird sitting on a tree that is being blown by the wind. The bird is not moving but if the tree were not visible you would think it’s the bird moving.
Contrary to a belief that is created by imagining the third eye, spiritual power flows through the hands from the heart, hence the expression – ‘the heart knows’. It is true that wisdom does come through the third eye but here I am talking about power. You can pray with your third eye but you call upon your power by lifting up your hands, literally lifting up your heart to the power! The picture of the power of the spirit can be depicted by a spirit body holding up a candle flame in it’s right hand.
This is not about other spirits and channeling stuff as discussed in spirituality circles. This is about your individual make up and the power you have that brings or that holds self confidence.
An area of the spirit body is directly in contact with the physical body just like an area of the sea is in direct contact with the ground. A loose kind of connection.
For movement the spirit body elongates to the right of the physical body and then returns to its original position and occasionally sways slightly forwards but somehow never backwards. A backward movement can be observed as that of going back to original position after swaying slightly forward but never a backward movement as an end in itself. The spiritual body does not speak. It has no blood, mouth or heart. Its a field of energy that just surges in waves like the sea.
The spirit rides on the waves of this spirit body. It is never agitated. It draws deep knowledge and wisdom from the sea of knowledge and yet it is perfectly still. This is why in spiritual circles there is the reference to ‘The Stillness.’ This refers to this part of you. This is the part of you that is the mother of all inspiration.
When you look at the picture of the jellyfish, the sea and the ground you somehow realize the strangeness of their connection. Whilst they create an overall togetherness they also have a loose kind of connection. This is the feeling you will get when looking at the spirit, the spirit body and the physical body. The body moves in its own fashion taking the spiritual body and the spirit with it and yet the spirit body has its own wavy movement, taking the spirit with it but totally independent of the physical body. It is a bit like the planets. Whilst they revolve around their orbit they have their own spin at the same time, creating two different movements within the same cycle.
The spirit sways but not really of it’s own accord but rather because of the waves of the spirit body. Of course the spirit has its own way of delivering and retrieving wisdom and knowledge. In this, it has its own technicalities that are separate. It kind of does it through some kind of permeability. The spirit body moves in the same fashion that looks like the tree when swayed by gentle wind. The tree does not really get uprooted from the ground but gets elongated in the direction of the influence. Sometimes it’s like observing a flickering like a candle in the wind. This is a dance that facilitates the exchange of information. Call it ‘The Magical Dance Of life’ if you like.
As the spirit body sways in its fashion the spirit is able to give and collect information. When the spirit body performs this dance of elongating and swaying outwards to the right, it’s a reaching out to hand over information it has received from the body, to the waves that carry information. As the spiritual body returns to its original position, returning the spirit essence with it, the spirit brings new information from the universal wisdom.
I believe this is also why physical dancing is magical. The body sways and simulates the movement of the spirit body, the body and the spirit body are in heightened cohesion and feel closer. Suddenly the body feels lighter and in the flow. In what flow? Well, the spiritual flow. This explains the elation that we feel when we dance. Our physical marries the spiritual.
Sometimes we watch something and naturally feel enthralled without really understanding why. The reason is that we are watching a dance that resonates with our own magical dance of life. To illustrate this more I would like you to look at the dance in this video. The dance of the dolphin, the little boy, the water and MJ. Observe how MJ raises his outstretched arms. The video has more than 7 million views. This is because people are mesmerized by the magical life dance that is visibly playing out. The wind against a body, the slide, the gliding, the raised arms, is all a flow that resonates with us, hence the popularity of the video.
Without understanding why, you feel enthralled because the other part of the equation of what’s really taking place is invisible and subtle but we connect with it because of our own spiritual delicateness. Think of the expression, “The girl with the wind in her hair.” What feeling do you get?
There is a connotation on the elegant movement of the wind against the body that sort of draws you in on another level other than the physical one. You can’t explain why. But this is because it is a simulation of the movement of the spirit and this movement draws your spirit closer to your body through the same kind of wavy movement and you feel the joy of being in dancing.
This also explains why when someone is traumatized they tend to rock from side to side. The spirit takes over, soothing the individual.
Have you ever wondered why we rock a baby to put it to sleep?
The girl that dances ballet dance mesmerizes us. Another close assimilation of the spirit dance, only the spirit body’s dance is much more gentler and more effortless. It is also one type of movement, that of swaying, and not different styles and directions as in the ballet dance. The closest to the spirit dance in fluidity is that of a tree being blown in a gentle wind or a crowd with raised arms above their heads, gently swaying their arms from side to side in unison.
Movement is special, it is an exchange of information. That is why writers get ideas when they go for a walk.
So the expression that the answer is blowing in the wind by Bob Dylan holds true. As we sway this way and that way we engage in a formidable dance whose results we can easily observe.
The spirit body is very gentle in all its movements, the spirit a flickering light in the wind. When disturbed, our thinking is troubled and we ask the questions…
Thank you for your interest.
If you would like to know more about what is a human spirit and how you can stay consciously connected with it for a more fulfilling life, full of wisdom, please read the book, ‘The First Law Of Attraction’ by Danielle Pen Cherryvaise.
Most people worry because they have no self confidence but building self confidence or a lack of it is a part of us all. It is nothing to worry about but something to be excited over. As a new born baby you come with lack of skills and have to build yourself through examples in your environment.
Self confidence is made not born. Therefore I want you to know that by the time you leave this website you will know
how to develop self confidence,
how to build self confidence,
how to build self esteem,
how to gain self confidence,
how to improve self confidence or
how to increase self confidence.
All the above imply the same thing.
The good news is that with every step and every action we take we are increasing self confidence. It feels discouraging sometimes because it’s a game of hit and miss as we are working with insufficient information but that doesn’t matter. As long as you keep trying you will get there.
How much time does it take to get it right, to feel confident? This question reminds me of a song I used to sing a lot when I was younger. Here… I will share it with you before I continue.
I digressed… lets get back to business. Lol! Hope you enjoyed that song.
To answer the question – ‘How much time does it take to get it right?’ We have to look at what is self confidence and then see what is required to get there?
From my search on internet here is the definition of Self Confidence that I got – ‘a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities and judgement.’
To have a feeling of that trust in the self, I believe you must have a strong sense of the self. To have a strong sense of the self you must first know who this self is. I personally believe this is where every human has a glitch.
Who are you? Truly… and what is your potential? Most people guess on this one and I know the answer is far off the mark.
We attempt to do things before we understand who we are. This is how everything we do is a case of hit and miss.
The questions I have from the above are: –
How is it possible to have a feeling of trust in one’s abilities?
I won’t even go to the qualities part of this because that is the biggest problem here.
How do we talk about quality when we have no idea what we are judging it against!
How can you know how good anything is when you have no idea of how much potential is that thing has?
When you know exactly what potential there is then it’s possible to know if results are good or far below potential.
We have never been introduced to how we basically function. What do we use to decipher original make up. What are we made of? What antenna do we have so that we CAN talk about judgement? From what point of view do we see our qualities or judge anything? What is the level of beingness that is common to everyone from where we can talk about everything else without confusion?
It is ONLY when we can find that base from where we all operate that we can begin to trust in our abilities. Trusting our abilities comes from a knowledge of our potential. Only when we know our potential can we carry out anything with self confidence.
Books have been written, the law of attraction has come and gone and yet we still struggle.
When we think, how do we know we are coming from a point of original beingness? How do we know it’s not from the figment of our imagination? Most of the time we actually think and act from our fears. Self confidence comes from a place of knowing and not guessing. Knowing comes from understanding how we are basically. Only then do we know what qualities we have and when we choose to judge our abilities it is from this place of authenticity.
Because we are born clueless of what we are supposed to do and not knowing a single thing but copying from our environment, lack of confidence is a natural part of each individual. My duty now is to explain where we are coming from and who we are basically. From this explanation, those who understand it, will naturally acquire self confidence.
We are a human species, blessed with emotion, thought and intuition. Harmonizing these three creates the basic coherent self that we basically are. If these are not in harmony we get confused. We lose the ability to build self confidence.
Where Do You Begin?
The following links will lead to extremely interesting information on this website about getting to know oneself. Take your pick and slowly you will move towards understanding how to build self confidence.
Losing weight is part and parcel to self confidence. I have tried so many things and programs for weight loss. Nothing worked till I tried coconut water weight loss.
Coconut water has the following minerals
Let’s be honest, exercise, diet, calorie counting etc is overwhelming. It makes us give up on trying to lose weight. We all like the easiest way to lose weight. This is what I am going to give on this page… ‘the easiest way I lost weight.
I started drinking coconut water and brisk walked. Just those two things.
Why coconut water? Because coconut water adds energy to the cells and this alone improves agility all round.
Our body transforms food into atoms and molecules from within the cell and that means healing the cell is the place where to begin.
Coconut juice also has the following vitamins:
For those who like juicing, coconut water makes the easiest to make, healthier and natural juice. No need for cleaning and preparing fruits and greens. The vitamins and minerals are already in a pure water solution making it easier for the body to digest.
There are many coconut juice brands online today. Coconuts are now grown for commercial sale and that brings in loads of unwanted situations. The crop is heavily fertilized. New breeds created that can produce more water faster.
Water has also got it’s own maturity cycle. When we let nature take it’s natural cycle we get the good nutrients that nature intended. The other way creates shortcuts that are detrimental to our health.
So what is the best coconut water to drink. I say raw, organic coconut water. Best of all it is even better to drink from the young coconut itself!
For the lazy ones like me, if you want to lose weight faster and easier, cut down on your meal portions, sip your coconut water throughout the day and do your brisk walking. Everyday brisk walking planning can be discouraging but there is an easier way to do this. Do it on a treadmill. that way you have the walking right inside your house or back garden. It can’t be any easier.
Include tumeric in your cooking and eat half cup to a full cup pineapple after each meal.
This is all I did and I lost the weight I have been struggling with for a long time. An investment in a treadmill proved a wise one.
Enjoy your coconut water weight loss, the healthier and easier way to lose weight.
Your Favourite Self is about the relationship that you have with yourself that builds your character and spreads as well as creates your universe.
Staying healthy, fit and confident has to start with one basic – know your favourite self. Develop your roots first and then handle everything else from a solid base.
Who isYour Favourite Self?
Here is the best way that I can explain this:
Someone walks up to you and punches you hard in the face and walks away. Some day you meet the same person. You suddenly get angry. You know you don’t like that person!
You didn’t have that perception before the punch. Through the human experience you now have another front other than what you started off with. Over time you get plenty of different and random experiences that create a massive front, quite the opposite of what you were originally. This becomes your Human Experience Identity. This is an identity made up of an accumulation of past experiences. You then unknowingly keep this human experience identity active unnecessarily through your thinking process, sabotaging your own happiness and success.
From the human experience identity you react to circumstances according to prior experiences. For example:- after the first experience of being punched in the face, someone walks up to you rather suddenly, you will cover your face and get ready to punch back or maybe even punch that person. You have decided that this time around you will fight back! Over time that ‘human experience identity’ has enough experiences in it to function on it’s own in the human world. It makes you operate on automaton. You begin to see yourself as The Human Experience Identity. But the genius is the other identity, the one unadulterated by experience. This is what is Your Favourite Self. Without knowing how to call forth this original self, Your Favourite Self, you actually sabotage your own confidence and success.
Before I discovered my favourite self I read books on the law of attraction, watched movies, did positive affirmations, meditation and whatever else, you name it. I never succeeded in manifesting what I desired. The results were not coming in as I wished. Then I came to know myself as the original self, the favourite self.
Your favourite Self
You have observed this one before; When someone does something, even a complex task and they are natural at it; That thing that makes it seem so easy, the thing behind that naturalness is the one – Your Favourite Self.
This is your very own, most intelligent, personal identity. Knowing how this dynamic identity that eludes you half of the time, is getting to know the goose that lays the golden egg and there is no stopping your happiness and success.
You will make money, develop character and create blissful relationships at will. This is the first law of attraction.
‘Attract Your Favourite Self First and only then will you know how to attract those things that you really Desire. Anything!‘ ~ D.P. Cherryvaise
So, you ask, ‘How do I attract myself?’ Sounds silly, isn’t it? Well, not really. Everyone basically has two identities. One is from the experiences one has had in life that causes all confusion and chaos and the other is from pure creation perception which is Your Favourite Self. These are two aspects within you that can work together coherently or independently with vast differences in outcome. One identity goes for failure and destruction or at best short lived success and the other will make you a successful positive person permanently or for as long as you choose.
If we take off all past human experience, what are we left with? Here is an example to clearly answer this question. If someone walks up to you and says, ‘You are so stupid!’ Your reaction is, ‘No I am not!’ This is a reaction everyone has, even if they have done some stupid things in the past. There is something within you that knows you are not stupid and it is not governed by human experience. This is Your Favourite Self.
This is the genius that is in every one of us, everyone – withoutexception, the identity that knows everything there is to know about you. The part that will tell you when you are in danger and your partner in business. This is the part you call instinct or the gut feeling. Ever heard of people referring to someone as having guts? I mean real substance, courage, guts? This is Your Favourite Self.
It is a part of you that is so obvious, so obvious that we take it for granted. That genius is the hidden mysterious you and yet It is in plain view. In The First Law Of Attraction Manual, I explain how to easily and consciously become this genius at all times so that you are always operating at your best and winning.
Becoming Your Favourite Self first helps in creating the foundation that you need to succeed at anything. Working things out through the human experience identity alone will not do it for you because it is mainly built through pain or false information.
Equally, you may know how to use your thoughts to contact that genius within. This leads to personally getting to know the part of you that knows everything.
You probably have tried visualization, positive thinking, positive affirmations or just getting rid of negative thoughts without success. You wonder where you are going wrong. The reason is that, underlying the law of attraction, must be your basic self, Your Favourite Self, to carry out those commands. We fail because we have the human experience identity carrying out the duties in life. The basic rule is to become Your Favourite Self first.
If you have any questions or comments, do not hesitate to leave them below. Thank you for your interest. Have fun and hasten the journey.
Understanding the basics of your thinking process is fundamental to your success. We think every day, in-fact every moment, yet we do not have a Thoughts Operating Manual.
Could this be why we fail to use our thoughts to create exactly what we want?
As we think, where do Our thoughts go? What path do they follow? Who or what do they contact? How do they bring back answers to us? Understanding this process alone will change everything in your life as you will learn to direct your thoughts to happiness, success and nip those negative thoughts in the bud.
Have you ever practiced visualization or positive affirmations with no success? Do you know why you failed? I will reveal it to you.
My idea of a Thoughts Operating Manual is a unique one. It’s about the thought process and how thoughts control you!
Knowing this information will help you to stop the destructive patterns of your thoughts.
I bet you have never thought that you need a Thoughts Operating Manual. Here are some questions for you… When you think, what really happens to your thoughts? Do they travel from you to another place? If so, how do they do this? Do they meet someone or come across something? How do they identify what you want? How do they collect knowledge or wisdom and bring it back to you?
How come someone who is afraid to be found out about what they are doing will repeat the same thing over and over again instead of just stopping it? What thought process is at play?
Your thoughts process is the other part of your duality. Knowing how your thoughts function is a powerful way to begin your road to personal success and freedom. Your thoughts will always sabotage you until you learn how they work and then you can use them the right way.
I have written a unique Thoughts Operating Manual to give information on the thinking process, for you to know your way to your own self knowledge.
Most people talk about how your thoughts are what you are, but, have never explained how you become what you are thinking. This lack of information puts you at the mercy of your own thoughts.
That is why most people never succeed with practicing visualization or affirmations. Without the knowledge of how exactly thoughts turn into reality, what you think or dream to do is non-achievable fantasy or short-lived success at best.
My intention is to see people reconnect to their own potential. That way everyone has their own guidance, succeed and attain personal freedom.
Many times we look to other people for solutions to our problems when in-fact we have it in us to freely find our own solutions. This way we are not at anyone’s mercy.
The ‘Thoughts Operating Manual is a tool that hands you the key to your personal roots for you to know how to source your own knowledge.
If you have any comments or questions please do not hesitate to ask. I shall be glad to assist. Your comments will go a long way in helping others and letting me know what else I can do to help, so you are welcome to be as generous as you like with the comments. :)))